Flood of Emotions

Tonight after prayers Anthony and I did our usual routine of tummy time, talking and singing. However, tonight it was different being that it is the eve of the day we met Cynthia, she selected us and then we spent a few wonderful hours meeting and getting to know Anthony.
Understandably, being that I'm ME, I was completely flooded with emotions. How could I ever completely convey to our beautiful son that his birthmommy is such a wonderful, selfless individual who truly wanted more for him? Will he ever fully know the depth of our love and the complete joy we felt the moment we met him? Through the tears I was trying to tell him his story tonight so he will always know how much he was and is wanted and loved.

Again me being me I turned to my journal to relive the journey of Anthony coming home.

4.26.07
We finally did it! Mark and I went to an informational adoption meeting on Tuesday. Afterwards we turned in our application and the first fee. Wow! I can't believe this is finally happening and we're actually taking this step into parenthood. It feels like I've been waiting forever for this moment.
I wonder if our first child will be a boy or a girl. When will he or she enter our lives? Oh the excitement! I pray for our child and our birthmom. Be with them, Lord. Keep them safe and healthy. Help us to find one another and create a bond full of love that will last a lifetime. Help me to squash all of my fears and to just believe in this process. We will become parents. I will become a mom.

1.18.08
No word. No interest. No new news. Unfortunately there's still no baby. When I think about it my heart breaks a little more each day. Will we ever get that call?
I have hope, though, and I know God has a plan for us. Mark and I will become parents.
Rylan said last week while praying with his parents that our baby will come in March. Who knows? Maybe he'll be right after all.
I pray our birthmom and baby are safe right now. I pray for God's help, presence and love in their lives. Watch over them. Help to make the path to adoption and the decision of what to do absolutely clear for our birthmom. Guide us to one another.
God has a plan. I need to remember to be faithful and patient.
Please help me to be strong...

2.20.08
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I couldn't sleep last night; however, this morning I felt, surprisingly, calm. I felt different. It seemed like this match meeting would be just that, different...
We met the birthmom, Cynthia, at 10:00 and the meeting went so well. She's so cute and the conversation just flowed with no uncomfortable lulls. There was an immediate connection, which left me feeling so hopeful.
After we left Mark and I were so excited and it was hard to contain that excitement. It was so wonderful to see the reaction on his face and hear it in his voice; I knew he was just as hopeful and as excited as I was. While we let our cars warm up we talked about Cynthia and how much we liked her. Then my phone rang! At 11:20 Allie and Cynthia called my cell phone wanting to talk to us. (Actually, Allie called and she was super excited!) Then she passed the phone to Cynthia and I heard the words I have been waiting and wanting so badly to hear -- she said she had selected us and wanted to know if we would be willing to parent Anthony. SERIOUSLY!?!?! Would we be willing to parent Anthony?!?!?!? YES!! ABSOLUTELY!! WITHOUT A DOUBT!! IN A HEARTBEAT!!
The rest is still an unbelievable whirlwind and blur.
Colbie Caillat's song Realize was playing.
We followed Allie and Cynthia out to the foster parent's house.
We stopped to eat at Subway. I couldn't eat. All I could do is look at this beautiful individual across from me and continue our conversation.
I called my sister multiple times giving her the news.
I called Jenn at school giving her the news.
I called Manda again. OH MY GOD!
I cried.
I laughed.
I thanked God.
Then we finally got to the house.
Finally we got to meet Anthony - OUR SON!
OUR BEAUTIFUL SON!!
I'm in love...
We're in love...
He's absolutely beautiful...
Thank you...

Clearly this particular journal entry continues on with so many descriptions and feelings; things I never wanted to forget about that magical day. February 20th will always be a day of celebration in our household and a day that will most likely always bring me to tears. Tomorrow I will celebrate by giving Anthony lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous. I'll celebrate with a continuous joy in my heart and a complete appreciation for the beautiful hero who has enriched our lives with such a beautiful gift. I'll celebrate the fact that we have so many wonderful individuals who lift us up, share their love and support us through every adventure. Tomorrow I won't let a moment pass me by without giving thanks and fully soaking in the tremendous impact this day had just a year ago.