The Piilolas

Tonight we finally had the Piilolas over for dinner and to meet Anthony for the first time. (Yes, this is sad, but true. How is it possible that we haven't seen the best man from our wedding and his family in over a year? Geez!)
It was a great night of food, conversation and watching the boys play together and have a fun time. Dustin, a 6th grader, did such a great job playing with Anthony. He warmed up to him right away and was copying everything Dustin would do. It really was quite cute. When we put Anthony down for bed he kept saying his name over and over again. I'm sure he'll be asking for him tomorrow.
Hopefully there will be another get together in the future!

Anthony's Gotcha Day!

February 27, 2008
This day will be forever etched into our memory. We had to have a week of transition for Anthony's well being and then we were able to finally take him home. On that Wednesday we met at Ed and Sally's house, the fabulous foster parents, at 1:00 to visit with Cynthia, fill out some final paperwork and then bring our little boy home. I remember feeling like this moment was completely surreal. We were so excited and couldn't wait to start our lives as a family. I still wonder how we got so lucky. Clearly God was in charge of bringing us all together.
I love this picture that was taken on this day a year ago. Hopefully as Anthony grows up and looks back he'll see what I see every time I look at it --- love. Everyone in this photo dearly loves him and wants the very best for his life. All of us worked together and continue to work together to ensure that will happen.

On the way home he snoozed. It was the first time I was able to just stare at our sleeping baby. I couldn't resist taking photos just like I couldn't take my eyes off of him. After all the paperwork, heartache and constant prayers HE was HERE with US. Complete joy filled our car that afternoon.
That night after dinner - chicken and rice - we had bath time. I have to giggle now at the lack of water and zero toys in the tub with him!

He slept through the entire night as Mark and I worried about whether we were too far away and what if the monitor wasn't working properly and probably a million other "what ifs". The next morning was an early one and we relished the time laying in bed together.

It's been fun to look back and reminisce this past week about the events that transpired a year ago. To think that we are unable to have our own child, but are still given the amazing gift of being parents is an unbelievable blessing. Tonight as we celebrated by eating at Perkins - a tribute to Anthony's birthmommy's favorite restaurant - I couldn't help but be filled with contentment. February 27th will always be a day to reflect, give thanks and celebrate!

Fireman to the Rescue!

Nothing stops a two year old super sized tantrum like his fireman outfit, rain boots and bug helmet! Luckily, we had all three available and ready to use and ended up having a crabby-free night earlier this week. Yahoo!

Sand Lake Getaway

Gus getting comfy and finding his spot for the night right away!
(Or what he hoped would be his spot for the night...)

This past weekend we had a much needed and very appreciated getaway with a great group of friends. On Friday night Zoey went to the kennel and we headed up north. Anthony spent the night with Auntie Manda and Uncle Damon taking in some Grand Rapids hockey while we headed further up north to Sand Lake and the Feierabend cabin. By 11:00 everyone was there - the Feierabends, Hares and Changamires - for our weekend of relaxation, outdoor fun, food and conversation.

This was a common scene - lounging around in comfy, don't-bother-to-get-ready clothes, snacking constantly throughout the day and having great conversations. The cabin is a beautiful retreat and we're thankful we were invited to share in this experience.

The girls - Tracy, Gretchen and Jenn - keeping warm and chatting on the couch.

The guys spent a lot of time outside fishing while we stayed indoors. Some things were accomplished - Tracy did a bit of scrapbooking while Jenn finished the book club book, Barefoot, for the month; Gretchen and I did a whole lot of nothing, which was perfectly fine by us! Unfortunately, the fishing wasn't as successful as the guys would have liked. Luckily, that was okay because they had beer to keep them company and occupy the day. :)

The absolutely highlight of the weekend was when the eight of us went snowshoeing across the lake. I've always wanted to try snowshoes, but never had the opportunity until now. It definitely was a lot of fun and something we hope to do more in the future. (Anthony could even get his own pair!)

While all of this was happening Anthony had a great time with his auntie and uncle and then Grandma and Papa Hanson. (Thanks to all of you for watching him and giving him time with the individuals he loves so much. He's still talking about hockey even today!) We missed him a ton, but realized the importance of taking time out just for us every once in awhile. It's easy to get caught up in the day to day hustle of work, rushing home to make supper and caring for Anthony. We realized how easy it has become to slip into the roles of parents working together and let our relationship slip. (Not that there are any major problems -- just that we put ourselves on the back burner a lot.) Hopefully we'll take time from now on to continue to nurture the "us" with date nights and little getaways here and there as well as continue to parent and love that wonderful little boy of ours. I guess we realized it's all about balance.

Thank you, Jenn and Luke, for organizing and planning such a wonderful weekend! We look forward to more just like it in the future.

The Big Snub

Best Picture nominees for 2009:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

Actor in a Leading Role nominees for 2009:
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler

Back in January we went to Gran Torino staring Clint Eastwood. I will openly admit that I wasn't too excited to go because Eastwood is probably one of my least favorite actors and I didn't think the movie looked that wonderful. I'll be the first to admit that I was completely wrong. Eastwood was amazing, the best I have ever seen him, and the movie, although filled with racial slurs and hatred that probably wasn't "PC" even though it was 100% realistic, had a great overall theme and message that everyone could learn from.
So why the big snub?
Even though I see very little movies these days I'm baffled that I don't see Gran Torino or Eastwood under best picture and actor. Seriously?
Anyone else feel this way?

Flood of Emotions

Tonight after prayers Anthony and I did our usual routine of tummy time, talking and singing. However, tonight it was different being that it is the eve of the day we met Cynthia, she selected us and then we spent a few wonderful hours meeting and getting to know Anthony.
Understandably, being that I'm ME, I was completely flooded with emotions. How could I ever completely convey to our beautiful son that his birthmommy is such a wonderful, selfless individual who truly wanted more for him? Will he ever fully know the depth of our love and the complete joy we felt the moment we met him? Through the tears I was trying to tell him his story tonight so he will always know how much he was and is wanted and loved.

Again me being me I turned to my journal to relive the journey of Anthony coming home.

4.26.07
We finally did it! Mark and I went to an informational adoption meeting on Tuesday. Afterwards we turned in our application and the first fee. Wow! I can't believe this is finally happening and we're actually taking this step into parenthood. It feels like I've been waiting forever for this moment.
I wonder if our first child will be a boy or a girl. When will he or she enter our lives? Oh the excitement! I pray for our child and our birthmom. Be with them, Lord. Keep them safe and healthy. Help us to find one another and create a bond full of love that will last a lifetime. Help me to squash all of my fears and to just believe in this process. We will become parents. I will become a mom.

1.18.08
No word. No interest. No new news. Unfortunately there's still no baby. When I think about it my heart breaks a little more each day. Will we ever get that call?
I have hope, though, and I know God has a plan for us. Mark and I will become parents.
Rylan said last week while praying with his parents that our baby will come in March. Who knows? Maybe he'll be right after all.
I pray our birthmom and baby are safe right now. I pray for God's help, presence and love in their lives. Watch over them. Help to make the path to adoption and the decision of what to do absolutely clear for our birthmom. Guide us to one another.
God has a plan. I need to remember to be faithful and patient.
Please help me to be strong...

2.20.08
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I couldn't sleep last night; however, this morning I felt, surprisingly, calm. I felt different. It seemed like this match meeting would be just that, different...
We met the birthmom, Cynthia, at 10:00 and the meeting went so well. She's so cute and the conversation just flowed with no uncomfortable lulls. There was an immediate connection, which left me feeling so hopeful.
After we left Mark and I were so excited and it was hard to contain that excitement. It was so wonderful to see the reaction on his face and hear it in his voice; I knew he was just as hopeful and as excited as I was. While we let our cars warm up we talked about Cynthia and how much we liked her. Then my phone rang! At 11:20 Allie and Cynthia called my cell phone wanting to talk to us. (Actually, Allie called and she was super excited!) Then she passed the phone to Cynthia and I heard the words I have been waiting and wanting so badly to hear -- she said she had selected us and wanted to know if we would be willing to parent Anthony. SERIOUSLY!?!?! Would we be willing to parent Anthony?!?!?!? YES!! ABSOLUTELY!! WITHOUT A DOUBT!! IN A HEARTBEAT!!
The rest is still an unbelievable whirlwind and blur.
Colbie Caillat's song Realize was playing.
We followed Allie and Cynthia out to the foster parent's house.
We stopped to eat at Subway. I couldn't eat. All I could do is look at this beautiful individual across from me and continue our conversation.
I called my sister multiple times giving her the news.
I called Jenn at school giving her the news.
I called Manda again. OH MY GOD!
I cried.
I laughed.
I thanked God.
Then we finally got to the house.
Finally we got to meet Anthony - OUR SON!
OUR BEAUTIFUL SON!!
I'm in love...
We're in love...
He's absolutely beautiful...
Thank you...

Clearly this particular journal entry continues on with so many descriptions and feelings; things I never wanted to forget about that magical day. February 20th will always be a day of celebration in our household and a day that will most likely always bring me to tears. Tomorrow I will celebrate by giving Anthony lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous. I'll celebrate with a continuous joy in my heart and a complete appreciation for the beautiful hero who has enriched our lives with such a beautiful gift. I'll celebrate the fact that we have so many wonderful individuals who lift us up, share their love and support us through every adventure. Tomorrow I won't let a moment pass me by without giving thanks and fully soaking in the tremendous impact this day had just a year ago.

The first of many....

Oh how I love Cool Whip just like mommy, Papa Willie and Auntie Manda. It's just so delicious...

On Sunday, after spending time at the Children's Museum, we went out to eat in Maple Grove before heading home. Before sitting down I brought Anthony to the bathroom to change his diaper.
Sounds simple enough, right?
Wrong.

When we get in there the handicap stall with the changing table was being used so we waited our turn. Anthony was busy talking and trying to investigate so many potty chairs in one room. Meanwhile the lady starts to pee.

Anthony: Mom, that lady's pooping.

Me: No, she's going pee. (Then I go into this big "life lesson" that everyone uses the potty chair when they get older just like he will, hopefully, soon. Blah, blah, blah.)

Anthony: Mom, that lady's pooping.

Me: Geez. Here we go again! Once again I explain that she's PEEING, not POOPING.

Oops! At that point the lady who was peeing toots. Oh, GREAT!

Anthony: (NICE AND LOUD!) See mom, she's pooping.

The best part is that we had to wait until the "pooping lady" was done to go into that stall to change his diaper. I was doing my absolute best to not laugh and make direct contact with the lady.
Oh the embarrassment.

Basically, I should just buckle my mommy seat belt and expect more of this in the future, right?

Children's Museum

What are we doing here?

On Sunday we headed to St. Paul to spend some time at the Children's Museum thanks to the Feierabend Family recommendation. Anthony fell asleep during the ride down and, to our shock, was extremely subdued throughout our time there. We definitely enjoyed exploring the different rooms and are looking forward to going back when he's (1) more awake and (2) when it's less busy. (As a side note, every third Sunday of the month it is FREE admission to the museum. That is really great; however, the massive amount of children and parents was a bit overwhelming for all of us.)
I am hoping to be able to go back again this summer during a non-busy weekday to play and learn with Anthony and then meet Mark for lunch.

He started to warm up when we got to the water section. How fun!

Water and balls?! Perfect!

The HUGE Clifford was very exciting for him. Thankfully daddy boosted him up so he could touch his face.

NEMO! Lately all fish have become a fascination for Anthony and, coincidentally, named Nemo too. He loved the big goldfish and probably could have stayed there for hours.

Genius Child!

This is so Kathy Lee of me, but I can't help myself! I need to take some time to do some serious I'm-so-proud-of-Anthony bragging. (Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that's what our family blog is all about in the first place, right?)
Every day we spend time counting; it's become a common thing in our house just like saying the alphabet, pointing out colors and singing songs. For many weeks now he's been counting to three. Last week he surprised me by continuing his counting and getting all the way up to ten. Of course he ends with YAY! and starts clapping while I'm completely in shock and feeling like we have some sort of genius child. Sunday while coloring he counted his colors and went all the way up to twelve. Wow-zer! (Of course he was calling the brown color blue and the yellow was always green or red or orange, but never yellow. We still need to work on that one!)
I'm just so excited he's interested in learning and is clearly picking up new things each and everyday. Especially since the doctor was originally worried because of his lack of language skills when he first came home. It truly is exciting to be around a two year old who is constantly saying new words, forming longer sentences and surprising us with his new knowledge.
Who knew parenting would be this rewarding and fun?!

A Weekend at HOME!

We have been busy lately - okay, the past few months - and most weekends have been spent traveling. Don't get me wrong, I love being up north with our family and spending time with friends; however, I was really missing lazy days spent being at home. This past weekend we finally got just that! There was time to play together, watch Cars...again, do laundry, take naps and clean without any need to look at the clock or rush to another destination.
On Sunday while I was cleaning up after breakfast Anthony put his farm and animals from his room out into the hallway. It was so cute watching him play there for the longest time; I think he enjoyed a weekend at home as much as I did!

Everyone needs an exceptional friend

On Saturday I received a very touching email by a very exceptional individual in my life. I hadn't realized it, but quickly learned it was a year to the day after learning about Anthony. At the time we didn't know his name, the circumstances or even the fact he would very quickly enter our lives and become our greatest gift.
Here's the email I received a year ago from our social worker at LSS:

Hi Tonja,
I thought the best way to catch you during the day would be via email, so I apologize that I couldn't ask this question over the phone. Ali, who you and Mark have met before, is working with a birthparent that is currently parenting an 18-month old and is looking to make an adoption plan. I know that your profile states that you are open to up to 12 months, but I am wondering if you would consider an 18-month old? If so, your profile will be included with others for the birthparent to look at. Please let me know as soon as possible.

This particular email and contact from our social worker brought so much hope to the waiting process. We hadn't heard anything since October and those were the longest and most painful three months of my life. There were many days I felt consumed by not hearing anything and couldn't get out of the very un-Tonja-like fog of sadness. It felt like the process would never end and I feared that our desire to become parents would never actually become a reality.
Like most days, I found solace in confiding with the people who cared and supported me sharing with them the emotions of this amazing journey.

Thank you so much, Jenn, for being a constant support system in my life last year and always finding ways to continue that support throughout this year. I'm not surprised that you kept this email with my personal message to you and sent me an email to celebrate our "anniversary". In fact, I've come to learn your thoughtfulness knows no bounds and for that I will always be grateful.

Ton,
What a difference a year makes. . .
You sent this to me a year ago today. I remember the events that unfolded over the month that followed very clearly, but probably nothing compared to your memory and emotions. Can you even remember the excitement & anticipation, yet apprehension to be hopeful when you got this email?
I saved this email for this very reason; I was hoping it would be an "anniversary" to celebrate.
Thank you for being my friend enough to let me in to your anticipations, disappointments, the proud right along side the not-so-proud ones.
I think you are an amazing mother and things unfolded for you and Mark just as they were supposed to. I'm so thankful you've allowed me an intimate look into the last year of your life and your journey to motherhood.
j

On most days I feel like I need to pinch myself as I look at my life now. This year has been an amazing adventure as a parent and I find myself giving thanks everyday for the little and big things that have transpired.

I know there are so many others, dear friends and strangers, out there who have and are experiencing the emotions of waiting to become parents. My heart goes out to them as they wait in their roller coaster of emotions. My hope is they will be blessed and quickly realize the tears, disappointment and heartache was completely worth it. As they wait hopefully they, too, have exceptional individuals who will support them along the way.

Hanson Wedding

Carol, Peg, Debbie - the beautiful mother of the groom - and Barb

Grandma Carol and Papa Marv

Tiff and Dana

Olivia, 1, enjoying some time out on the dance floor too!

Jocie wore her pretty, black dancing shoes and had a great time dancing the night away!

This weekend Joey and Steph - Mark's cousin - got married in the Anoka/Oak Grove/Ham Lake area. It was a beautiful wedding with a fun reception afterwards. It's probably not a surprise the highlight for Anthony and I was the dancing. (We've been practicing our moves for a long time now!) As soon as he heard the music he wanted to dance and continued to do so until he hit his limit right as Billie Jean came on. (Darn it! I love that song.) We went home shortly after and all of us were in bed and sleeping by 10:00! Even though it was an earlier night than usual we had a great time and enjoyed being with Mark's family.
Unfortunately, my camera batteries died pretty early in the night and I wasn't able to get many photos of the night. I'm especially bummed that I got none of the beautiful bride and groom. (Looks like I need to invest in more rechargeable batteries. They just seem to work better.)
Congratulations, Joey and Steph! Thank you for letting us share in your special day.

Who needs a spoon?

On Friday night we had a quick cereal dinner - which happens to be my absolute favorite type of meal at anytime throughout the day; not Mark's, though - before we headed out to watch the Bulldogs play some basketball. Anthony always loves eating cereal, but decided to take it to the next level by lifting up the bowl to slurp up the milk. The result was a big mess, lots of laughs from us and Rice Krispies stuck everywhere on his face. I doubt he'll ever want to use his spoon again.