Wrapping up another year

 

This was my passenger Friday after school.

Another stack to correct from another assignment given...

but that's okay.

Only SIX days remain in this school year.

Soon there will be three glorious months off

with no weekend correcting passengers taking away from 

precious time with my family.

The correcting end is here.

Almost.

I think I can...

I think I can...

I think I can...

Zumbathon

Next Saturday there is another benefit for the Schmidt family who needs the community's support.  Anyone want to join me for some Zumba fun?

Looks like fun, right?!

Juxtaposed

Yesterday I was emotionally trapped between being extremely disappointed and completely happy.

The disappointment came right away when I realized that after seventh months of waiting all the testing was going to cover was Anthony’s cognitive ability.

Throughout the long testing process Anthony behaved himself so well.  For the first 90 minutes he was super focused and only got a few questions wrong.  (However, I didn’t expect him to be able to identify #56 and #73).  He was completely different than a year ago when we did preschool screening and then testing for the special education program.  He wasn’t on top of any tables.  He didn’t pick up materials and chuck them across the room.  He sat in his chair without getting out a bunch of times because his attention got focused on something else. 

Yesterday I visually saw how much he has changed behavior-wise over this past year and it was wonderful.

I was told that testing for a mental heath disorder cannot be done until Anthony is older.  I’ve heard that before.  When he was two I was told that “boys will be boys” and we don’t do anything until a child reaches the age of three.  Now that he’s four and a half I’m being told we really can’t do anything until he’s six or older.

Isn’t early intervention key to the success of an individual?

Yesterday I heard the famous words that Mark and I are doing an amazing job creating a stable, healthy and structured environment for A.  The doctor also praised us for the treatment/therapy we have sought out and our continued persistence in helping our son.

Ugh.

I want to find someone who will stop telling us how good we are doing and start telling us what we need to be doing.  I want someone to see our everyday life and come up with an effective solution.  I want someone to care just as much as we do about Anthony and work their hardest in helping him to heal.

The session ended with the knowledge that Anthony is a smart little guy.  He knew his numbers, letters (more than I even thought!), shapes, prepositions, etc.   The plan is to meet when all of the testing is tabulated and come up with a plan.  He could receive further testing, if they deem it necessary, for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) as well as Post-Trauma Stress Disorder (PTSD).

No real answers, though.

The best part of the whole day came right after the appointment.  I’m thankful I made the decision that A and I would take the entire day off and spend some mommy and son time together.  It was such a delight.

First we went to Dunham’s and bought an awesome must have summer item – a co-pilot bike trailer – so A and I can go on bike rides together.  Anthony was smiling, helping me push the cart and even found a gift that he insisted daddy would like.

Then we went to visit Geoffrey the Giraffe’s store.  Typically Toys R Us is overwhelming and he wants everything.  We were there for a good 45 minutes and he decided on another transformer.  He was skipping in the halls, holding my hand and getting so excited to show me all of the treasures he was finding.

Pressing my luck, I decided to take a trip to Old Navy.  I actually SHOPPED the sales racks and was able to TRY ON different items while Anthony sat patiently in the cart playing.  No screaming.  No yelling.  Amazing.

Finally we made our way to Sammy’s Pizza for the lunch buffet.  It was there that the sweetest scene happened that I hope will be forever engraved into my mind.  As I was getting his food at the buffet I could see directly to our table.  As I looked up and caught his eye he beamed.  He gave me a huge wave and then kept tapping his nose to signal I love you. 

It was the most wonderful site. 

Pure momma happiness.

He fell asleep on the ride home and when he woke up from his nap a few hours later the morning was forgotten.   He was mad.  He was angry.  He wanted nothing to do with his momma.  The Anthony who hurts, who we so desperately want to help, was back. 

All happiness was gone. 

The Hurt lingered the rest of the night and continued to lash out. 

I’m learning more and more that when it comes to matters of the heart and emotional well being the process of healing is much more difficult.  It would be easier to have a physical aliment, like my colon issues, and have surgery to remove the disease.  It’s hard to fight against something that is invisible and unknown by so many.

Last night was painful.

Last night I felt desperate.

Today is a new day with a new round of phone calls to be made.

Someone, somewhere will know how to help him, help us.

Prayers for Anthony

Tomorrow is a BIG day for Anthony.  We have been waiting since OCTOBER (seems like forever!) to get him "tested".  They will be further looking into fetal alcohol syndrome, autism spectrum as well as mental health issues.

I've been praying for this day that it will reveal more answers than questions or unknowns.

Please, please, please say a prayer for A.

He has so much going on in his mind and body that Mark and I are unable to understand.  His negative actions towards us continues to escalate as our need for answers & change continues to grow.

I'm so hoping this will be the missing piece we have been searching for.

Again, please pray for A.

Just keep swimming

Combating hatred with love is necessary, but exhausting.

I keep telling myself it will get better.

Someday we will see a significant change.

The hurt will be replaced with an abundance of love.

Hope always remains that one day we will all be whole.

This too shall pass.

Twenty-Ten!

I'm not delusional.  I won't be a mother who rants that her son is the smartest, fastest, wittiest, funniest, most artistic or articulate, etc. etc.
I, however, am a momma who cheers her son on and loves to see what he accomplishes on a day-to-day basis. 
Honestly, I don't know if he's miles ahead or behind where he should be.  I just celebrate where he's at and am thankful for each stepping stone along the way that I get to share with him.

  

I absolutely enjoy watching him write his name.  (Especially when he's totally in the zone with his tongue sticking out!)  It's been fun as a parent, and educator, to see him start making shapes and recognizing that each letter stands for something.  We started off with a template of his name to refer to and copy.  Now he works almost exclusively by himself and knows what each letter should look like.  He's even starting to putting the letters closer together and getting his name someone straight across.

I'm so proud of A for learning and growing and trying through all of his challenges!

My favorite right now is his counting.  He likes to remind me that he's getting older and that he'll be five at his next birthday.  Of course I cringe at the thought. (Seriously?!  A five year old!  Where's my chubby cheeks beautiful baby boy?)  My cringing makes him giggle, which causes him to count furiously laughing all the while.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 20-10!"

He loves getting all the way to 20-10 and seeing my reaction.

Cute, cute, cute.

Can't wait to see all that he will accomplish in the days, weeks and years to come.  Way to go, Bubsa Beetle!

Our Angels

#52

While driving home from Grand Rapids on Mother's Day we came across a very recent two car collision.  Other motorists had already stopped to check on the individuals in both cars as well as direct traffic.  It was clear we were only minutes behind this accident.
In the news the next day, we found out that the man who crossed the center line had alcohol in his system and died.  The driver of the other car was listed in critical condition while his passenger and wife didn't sustain any injuries. 
I never do well when coming across accident scenes.  I immediately think of those involved and then their families and then start crying and then start praying and then think about it for hours and even days after the fact...
This accident was no exception.  I did all of the above and then came to the realization that it could have been us.  If only we hadn't stopped in to visit Manda at work or take a little more time getting packed up and ready to go.  What if we hadn't stopped for gas?  
I am so thankful that we weren't involved.  I honestly could not imagine being in that situation.
I am also so thankful we weren't the first on the scene.  I do not know how I would be able to handle that situation either and be the helpful individual I would need to be.
Hopefully our guardian angels will continue to watch over us as we travel through life.

Fish Park

Getting the Radio Flyer out and heading to the park is even more fun when you can go with Mr. Chubby Chubberton!  Sixteen more days until summer vacation is here and we can take daily trips to the park. 

Shame on me

Over two weeks ago I came across this picture and started to think about the man who died before my fifth birthday.  

Papa Johnson.

I realized the day he died was only a few days away and I began thinking about the man who I faintly remember.  All I have are bits and pieces of him tucked away in my memory.

Opening my eyes while praying and watching him.

Sitting behind the house on tree stumps sharpening knives.

Swimming in Deer Lake with Erik while Papa and Grandma watched on.

Buying oxygen tanks with dad.

Leaving his funeral and asking dad why he didn't cry.

Almost three decades have passed since his death and I still yearn to know the man my grandpa was in life.  I yearn for a relationship that was cut short and wish we could have had more time.

Then life slapped me in the face.

And I realized something.  Something important.

My paternal cousin, Krista, passed away unexpectedly 29 years and one day after our Papa passed.  Her death was a complete surprise and such a sad ending to a short, meaningful life.

Upon hearing the news, I immediately started to think about my younger cousin.  She had the best laugh and a gorgeous smile. After that I drew a blank.  It had been years since the two of us and our families had spent time together.  I sadly realized that I no longer knew the 30 year old woman she had grown into.

I started wishing that I could have had more time to get to know her, reconnect, build a relationship like cousins should have.

It was then that it hit me.  I was once again wishing for a chance to get to know someone; however, it didn't matter that I had the extra time to do so.  Instead of taking advantage of it, I wasted it away and now I will never know either of them.

This thought of procrastination and being too busy with day-to-day life to truly care about a family member hit me hard.  

I should have taken the time.

I should have cared more.

I should have risen above our families differences.

Why did I let so many years pass?

Why didn't I make an effort?

Shame on me.

It was during Krista's funeral that I truly got to know my cousin and I completely fell in love.  We would have gotten along really well.  Her character shined everyday and she continued to make a difference regardless of her "deal" in the game of life.  The message that was shared that beautiful warm day has stuck with me.  My hope is that her love and zest for life can shine brightly in me and I can stop putting off the things that really matter in life --- loving the individuals in it and making a difference each and everyday.

Don't procrastinate

Continue to give to others and persevere even through life's challenges

We don't get to judge what's fair or unfair

Be sure to always say I love you, always give a hug, a kiss and share the love you feel for others

Live life with a joy in your heart

Make a difference

A handicap is only as debilitating as you let it be

Goodbye, Krista.  I'm so glad that Papa and Grandma J are both in heaven to meet you and give you a warm, welcoming hug.  I promise your JOY will live on.

Chapter 157

Teaching is rewarding, inspiring, frustrating, difficult at times and always packed full of rich material.  Every year I think I should write a book about the true-life experiences that happen in a day-to-day classroom.  
Earlier this year I had a classic fart story with a special twist that would have made a great chapter in this tell all book.  Eight years ago during a book talk I had a student state that her book was so good she almost pooped her pants!  Today could have been chapter 157 if I had been on the ball and writing everything down these past ten years.

A student walks into class during my prep.

Ms. H – “Bob”, you’re here?!

Bob – Yeah.  I had to go to the doctor this morning.

Ms. H – Oh really.  Why is that?

Bob – Last night while I was sleeping I kept punching myself in the face and this morning my parents had to bring me to see the doctor.

Ms. H – What?!  You fight with yourself while you sleep?!  Seriously?! …do not laugh out loud…do not laugh out loud….  Oh.

Bob – Yeah, the doctor even said he punches himself when he sleeps too.

Ms. H – Who in the world is your doctor?  Yikes! …do not laugh out loud…do not laugh out loud…. Oh.  Interesting.

Seventh graders! 
They say the darndest things.
Thanks, Bob.
I’ll try not to fight with myself tonight.
Please try to do the same.

Live your life from your heart

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what
we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into
acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can
turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger
into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings
peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
~ Melody Beattie 

 #37-51

Vicariously living through pregnant friends

Feeling "LeRoy" kick and move induces tears and an awe of how amazing life truly is

When students are genuine and thankful (even at this time of year)

Reading a good book that sucks you in

Everyday is a gift - live it

Having a dad that's "in the neighborhood"

Sister Tuttle's advice, "I gotta be me".  Oh so true

Anthony's smile and giggle

Taking time to see the trees come back to their full, green splendor slowly each day

Zucchini bread

Late nights and long talks with a favorite aunt

Strong, meaningful embraces

The first 80 degree day

Finding reasons to smile even through the tears

Krista Joy Ott

Live your life from your heart.  

Share from your heart.  

And your story will  touch and heal people's souls. 

~ Melody Beattie 

Our Final Goodbye

This weekend we traveled up north to Chisholm to say our final goodbyes to Grandma Jean.   The interment service was brief, but filled with meaning.  Clearly Grandma was the nucleus of this amazing family I have been so fortunate to become a part of over a decade ago.  Now that she's gone it would be easy for all of us to go our own ways.  Aunt Debbie beautifully spoke about the importance of family and the need to continue to get together, to celebrate and honor Grandma's legacy.  Her message was simple, but so true.  It was a great reminder for me to embrace those I love and celebrate the bond we share.  Once again, as always, I feel so thankful and blessed to be a part of this wonderful family.

Miss Olivia

Having a sucker is always more fun when you are enjoying 

it beside your spunky little cousin! 

A beautiful life extinguished

Krista Joy Ott, age 30, of Moorhead, Minn., formerly of Grand Rapids, Minn. died unexpectedly of natural causes on May 4, 2011 in Moorhead.

Krista was born in Grand Rapids to Marv and Mary Ott and graduated from Grand Rapids High School in 1999. Along with her academics, she participated in choir, debate and soccer. After graduation, Krista attended Moorhead State University. During her college education, Krista acquired some physical limitations. In spite of this, her faith in God remained strong and when she had recovered sufficiently, she reentered college and received her degree in 2005. Since graduation, Krista has been employed by Community Living Services in Fargo, North Dakota. She enjoyed the challenge of helping people with disabilities. Krista loved life and was optimistic about her future as she continued in therapy to overcome her own physical limitations. Her middle name fit her perfectly as she brought "Joy" to all those she came in contact with. Her family and friends will miss her.

Surviving family includes her parents, Marv and Mary Ott, Grand Rapids; grandmother, Anna Ott, Spencer, Iowa; one sister, Rebekkah (Dan) Guider, St. Paul; one brother, Kevin Ott, Grand Rapids; a nephew, Lee Guider; and nieces, Iris & Lilah Guider.

Service: Visitation: 5 to 7 p.m. Tuesday May 10 in Libbey Funeral Home and Wednesday, May 11 from 10 until the 11 a.m. Funeral Service in the Assembly of God Church, Grand Rapids. Burial is in Itasca-Calvary Cemetery, Grand Rapids.

Maybe daddy should go fishing more often?!

For the first time since Anthony came home, Mark made the annual guy trip up to Ballard's Resort in Baudette to fish sturgeon on the Rainy River.  Since we were going to have a daddy-free weekend, Anthony and I invited Rachel and the kiddos down for a much needed get together.  Unfortunately, the weather was crappy (um, it's S-P-R-I-N-G, Mother Nature!) so a day at the zoo was out, but we still managed to keep the kids busy and have lots of fun.
On Saturday morning they ate multiple breakfasts all the while playing Agent 1, Agent 2 and Agent 3 as well as "Samuel is a baby who needs two bossy older kids telling him what to do".  We then spent two hours at Burger King so the kids could play in the playland, two hours swimming at the Community Center and then brought them to Rio 3D.  When we finally got home we had supper together and they had some more time to play before bedtime.  By 8:00 all three were sleeping and Rach & I were able to chat and watch a great, bawl-fest, chick flick.
The only thing that could have made the weekend better is if Mol and the beautiful little ladies could have come too.