For those of you who
know us,
love us,
care deeply
and check in with us often
please pray.
Now.
Often.
HELP!
RAD is a funny acronym for most of you.
I'm sure it's hard to understand and truly comprehend what an attachment disorder even looks like. You might even think it's just another childhood disorder and label that's been created, but holds very little meaning.
For Mark and I RAD is the constant elephant in the room that demands attention.
The volcano ready to erupt spewing hatred.
The tsunami that comes trying to destroy the foundation we've set in place.
It's hard.
Painful.
Trying.
Isolating.
And so very, very sad.
It's awful to see your little boy who you love so dearly be in so much pain and confusion. The trauma he experienced seeps out into our daily lives to a point of it being unbearable at times.
Times like this week.
I honestly don't know how many more
I hate yous,
I want you to die,
I want to hurt you,
I never want to see you again,
just go away momma
comments I can hear.
And that's only the beginning of what he has to say.
His words combined with the anger he feels comes out in a torrent of physical aggression that leaves me feeling bruised, baffled and so sad.
It's heartbreaking.
All of this anger and burning hatred - hitting, spitting, biting, kicking, slapping, scratching, etc - is juxtaposed with a want and a need for affection. He will ask for more morning kisses, he wants you to play with him, he comes into our bed to be near us at night and the list goes on. How confusing and hard and wearing this must be for him to constantly feel our comfort and love, but not know what to do with it. His pain and trauma truly runs deep; it's way more than what we originally thought.
So how do we reverse this pattern that has been set so deeply within his brain?
I have always believed that our love, patience, understanding and gift of a family would be enough to help him guide his way back from where he's been and continues to be stuck at.
But is it?
What if it's not enough?
What if we always fall short?
What am I not seeing that we could be doing?
I write this completely distraught with worry for our family and still so in love with the little boy we have been blessed with. I feel defeated and deflated wanting, begging for the help Anthony truly needs.
So please
love us,
care for us,
pray for us
even if you don't understand everything surrounding RAD, our A and what our life truly looks like behind closed doors.
Right now we need the support.
Right now I need hope that everything we are doing will matter and that one of these days all this darkness will be behind us.
I need the strength to get through another day.
12 comments:
Very well written, Tonja! I'll say a prayer and have a hug for you on Sunday!
Always remember your consistancy, love and constant trying are the foundations that will carry this through. I cannot imagine the struggle it has to be or the hurt when A says such mean things - hold strong, you and Mark can do this - you're a team.
I love you!
You all are always in my thoughts and prayers.
T - thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. Know that we are thinking of you guys and I just wish I could help in some way. Have hope in knowing that there will be soon more hugs than I hate yous and more smiles than angry faces. You guys are doing an amazing job. LOVE you all! Your hat trick is amazing!!
You are a wonderful mama and Anthony knowa it, and in time, lots of love and prayers that go out to your little family will turn out to be sunshine in your lives. You are always loved, thought about every day and prayed for daily. God Bless you!! Love your mama
You are so strong Tonja. Keep up the hard, but SO important work. Things will improve. I've worked with teenagers with RAD, so just know what you and Mark are doing is the right thing. My prayers to you guys. You are wonderful parents to Anthony and have everything he will ever need.
The four of us are always here, loving you through it all!
Thank you to everyone who prayed and thought of us yesterday. It mattered. Anthony had a great day; there wasn't any hitting or yelling. The chaos passed us over for the day and we just got the wonderful chance to enjoy being parents to this amazing little boy.
Calls and emails have been sent to all previous and current providers with the hope that we can get him the specific help that he will need to overcome all this darkness. I remain hopeful that something will work and that a true healing can take place.
Bless you all for your encouragement and constant support!
It breaks my heart to read this post and see you, Mark and Anthony in so much pain. I hold you all up in prayer daily! I'm here if you need me. Let people love you and support you during this difficult time! ~MP
I'm so glad to hear you had a good day after all that heartbreak. You two continue to be so strong. You're in our prayers. We have a child with RAD in our preschool room, and he is receiving some mental health services both in school and at home. When I think of him when he entered our program last year, I have seen improvement already, so keep your chin up! Love you!
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers . You and Mark are amazing parents and are truely being tested. I will pray for A to find peace.
You are an amazing family! So real and inspiring...I think about all of you and pray often...for whatever answers you need. It WILL happen! There are so many that believe in you and are here...to lift you up and support you! There is a reason A has you. You are AMAZING and I believe in YOU! Lots of love, hugs, and angels sent your way today and everyday into forever!
-Smith Fam
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