Letting Love Cover It

A friend sent me a link to a blog - Letting Love Cover It - post that I needed to read. I wonder if she knew just how aptly it described my day, my week, my life with Anthony.

Here's a bit of what was written:

You could have knocked me over with a feather. After an entire day of getting the cold shoulder, no eye contact, and whispered answers, my daughter came up to me and said, "Mom, I'm sorry for being so mean to you." Tears filled my eyes and I gave her a big hug and told her that was the sweetest thing I had heard in a long time...

I had prepared myself for the oncoming storm. All the way home from school I kept telling myself not to let her emotions bring me down. I was NOT going to be a crab just because she was crabby. I was going to keep my chin up and take whatever she could dish out. We came in the door, and I asked her if she wanted help with her homework. She shook me off, so I told her if she changed her mind to come to me. And she did! She came to me and made peace. I was so thrilled. It is amazing how one sentence can change your whole week. I feel like we are getting somewhere...

The things that I feel are important in these days of testing are not to get sucked into the emotions. I need to stay calm ALL. THE. TIME. Actually I find myself telling my kids to chill out often. Everything is a huge deal to them. I need to be the one leading the way in being calm. I also need to remember that making them happy is not always good for them. Sure I can cave, and get a smile, but it isn't worth it. I need to stick to my guns. Bed time is bed time. Homework has to happen before facebook. Chores are not optional. Drama will not get you what you want. They may think I am the mean mom until they are 25, but that is okay with me. Those are usually the moms that have children that love them and want to be around them as adults. Someday they will come back and thank me for being so tough...

After reading this I had to go back to the top of the post and reread everything again. The blog's author doesn't know myself or my child; however, she somehow was describing our daily life to a T.
I prepare for the oncoming storm everyday.
I remind myself to not become crabby regardless of what A says or does.
I need to stay calm too. ALL. THE. TIME.
I try to not let his words bother me - I hate you, Just leave, I never want to see you again, You're always mean, You're stupid, All moms are stupid, I wish you would die...
All of this is challenging, though. Everyday I start off with a prayer for Anthony, our family and for continual patience. It's so easy to get frustrated and mad. It's much harder to soak all of that in, not be impacted and continue to be loving, supportive and constantly the mom he needs me to be.
Most days I go to bed feeling like a failure and wanting to retreat further into a protective shell. The outside world doesn't see or hear most of this. They see Mark and I with a smiley, goofy, fun loving four year old who is active and healthy. All of that changes when we're alone.
Thankfully I have a support system that doesn't quit. My sister calls EVERYDAY. We chat, we laugh, we cry, we share everything. She is without a doubt my best friend and confidant. I also have been blessed with my Becker-amily. On Friday the girls surprised me in my classroom after school for a little "inter-friend-tion". Of course I said everything was "fine" and they didn't buy it at all. Yesterday while making granola in my unshowered, pulled back hair state, six friends walked through the door to kidnap me for the evening. Before I left, Mark, who was in on all of this, told me to go, have fun and reminded me that I have amazing friends.
So true. (I have an amazing husband too!)
I believe all of this is happening for a reason and that God put some amazing people in my life to support me (us!) as we raise our beautiful son.
It feels good to know that we're not alone.
It also feels good to know that someday I might get a "Mom, I'm sorry for being so mean to you." Hearing that would bring me to tears too.