On Johnson Road

What a photo!
I absolutely love it.
It is a favorite and instant classic;
one that I will always cherish.
The two As that I love and am blessed to have in my life
posing in a mailbox on Johnson Road.
That mailbox is a part of my history, my heritage.

I can envision Grandma J standing by it.

Posing.
As always.
Smiling.
Loving life.

Exuding happiness.
Perhaps even singing her song --- "You make my day".
She would love this photo.
She would love the great-grand kid "packages" even more, though.
In just four days six years will have already passed.
Even though the pain has subsided her presence is missed.
I know I'll never hear...
"What a wonderful surprise!"
"If I would have known you were coming..."
"When you get older, you get bolder"
or
her voice reciting poetry or singing the songs she wrote.
But I wish so badly that I could.
It would be so nice to get a Grandma J card filled with stickers;
to sit down and talk about my year of teaching;
to read to her from her favorite Helen Steiner Rice poetry book;
to make Jiffy cake in her kitchen while drinking Tang.

Thank you my dear sister for your creative eye
when taking photos and seeing this shot.
You've managed to capture not just a picture,
but a memory,
a legacy,
our heritage
on Johnson Road.

The Sellheim Story

Once upon a time...
Five years ago I met the newly hired choir teacher's girlfriend in a shotgun interview right before the start of school. We hired her on the spot and she started the year as a long term substitute and my partner in seventh grade English. From that moment a friendship was started and it has continued to blossom and grow. Mike and Laura - affectionately known as Monster Mike and Lola to Anthony - have become dear friends. Lola is the epitome of a kind, compassionate, caring and giving person; Mike is probably the friendliest and most outgoing person I have I ever met. Together they make a great couple.
In five days they are expecting their first child. This child will be welcomed immediately into a loving world with parents who have waited for his or her arrival for a very long time. I am excited to meet their little one and finally see these two individuals enter the world of parenthood.
Welcome to the blogging world, The Sellheim Story.

Daily Affirmations

So true and a great reminder for each and everyday. I knew there was a reason I always try to stay positive in life.

A Family in Need

Back in February I wrote this post about a family in Becker:

A family in Becker recently had a tragic accident forever change their family and since then I have been checking their CaringBridge site to get daily updates. I had their oldest daughter Madie in class and my heart goes out to her and all that she's going through as well as her two sisters. When I read her mom's postings it takes me back to everything my family went through when my dad went through his terrible accident years ago. Even though I missed my parents and was terrified about what was going to happen to my dad, I was constantly shown the power of love. My mom never left my dad's side. She was there everyday taking care of him full of hope, faith and love that everything would turn out in the end. I cannot imagine all that my mom went through now that I am a wife and a mother; my heart goes out to Jennifer as I read her entries and know that she is in pain watching her husband go through all of this. Her writings are full of faith, Bible verses and a positive attitude in the midst of all that is going wrong. Yesterday he spoke her name for the first time in almost two weeks and I was elated. Their story brings me back to the reality of life; anything can happen at any moment. Life as I know it right now could look drastically different in a blink of an eye. Everyday I pray for the Edlings and all they are going through right now. I also make sure I give thanks for all of the wonderful blessings in my life.

How much pain and heartache can a family go through? I often think about this exact thought when praying for them and keeping them in my thoughts. It's just such a sad story. Mark and Jennifer are just a few years older than Mark and I. They have three beautiful girls. What a tragic situation to have to deal with and overcome.

Unfortunately this family is still suffering and my heart continues to go out to them. Back in July Jennifer's brother, Jason, got into an accident - very similar to her husband - which has left him in a coma with a traumatic brain injury. She now is dealing with two severe injuries with two people she loves greatly.

Today I received such sad news that once again involves this family. There was a one car accident yesterday that killed Jennifer's nephew, her brother who is in a coma stepson and a student who I had in Becker my first year of teaching.

I cannot imagine what this family is going through right now or where their thoughts are at. Their lives right now seem to be a snowball of horrible accidents. How do they continue on with hope and faith and love? What could I even begin to do to show my support?

Today was a reminder to give thanks for all the blessings I have in my life as well spend time in prayer for others who are struggling right now. There is a God and He is with the Edling/Treptau family even though all of this seems so confusing, sad and just too much for one family to have to endure. Please keep them in your prayers; they need as much help as they can get right now.

The Helper

This is my favorite picture of the weekend taken by Manda. It completely sums up our time at the JPF and how Anthony was Uncle Airwick's big helper for the day. He may have spent more time looking for earthworms than actually helping; however, I know he had a great time being outside and with his extended family he loves. So much so that he had a huge meltdown when we had to leave yesterday.
Thanks again everyone for a wonderful weekend!

Johnson Pickle Factory

The Johnson Pickle Factory has been up and running all summer long. This year not one, not two, but THREE gardens were planted by my brother and dad. Throughout the summer they have been enjoying a wide variety of fresh and pesticide-free fruit and vegetables. The canning process started a few weeks ago on nights and weekends with numerous quarts of mom's delicious dill pickles. This year I wanted to be a part of the process and start learning the trade of preserving food.

Anthony and I made the beautiful fall trek up to the GR/DR area this weekend. The leaves here are still a rich green; however, things quickly start to change the further north we would drive. Fall is "blooming" in full force and it's quite the sight!

The weather was beautiful and perfect for being outdoors harvesting. A helped Uncle Airwick load up a variety of goods in the old wagon while mom and I picked apples off of the tree. (He did come over to "help" too. I think that was more about quality control once again. He loves his apples!)

When we made our way inside we worked on peeling, coring and slicing apples - so slick with mom's Pampered Chef gadget! - and made quarts of apple pie in a jar as well as all natural apple sauce. While we worked on that Uncle Airwick made a surprisingly good roasted garlic jelly.

We ended the night with a family meal - the only person missing was Marko - and enjoyed homemade ravioli by Erik with a yummy Roma tomato & roasted garlic spaghetti sauce that mom and Erik had made the weekend before.

It was such a fun weekend. Hopefully A & I will be able to go back to "The Factory" soon and help out once again.

Spaceship Talk

Today we were strapped in and making our flight over to Renae's house. In between banana bites my co-pilot, A, starts talking from the backseat.

A: Momma, I'm so glad I get to go to school again today.
M: That's good, bud. What do you like best about school? The bus ride with Ken or going to Amy's classroom everyday?
A: Everything, momma. I like everything about going to school.

This was a smile inducing comment. There may be many challenging areas in A's life right now, but at least the battle of going to school is not one of them. For this I am thankful and hopeful. What a great way to start off our morning!

Letting Love Cover It

A friend sent me a link to a blog - Letting Love Cover It - post that I needed to read. I wonder if she knew just how aptly it described my day, my week, my life with Anthony.

Here's a bit of what was written:

You could have knocked me over with a feather. After an entire day of getting the cold shoulder, no eye contact, and whispered answers, my daughter came up to me and said, "Mom, I'm sorry for being so mean to you." Tears filled my eyes and I gave her a big hug and told her that was the sweetest thing I had heard in a long time...

I had prepared myself for the oncoming storm. All the way home from school I kept telling myself not to let her emotions bring me down. I was NOT going to be a crab just because she was crabby. I was going to keep my chin up and take whatever she could dish out. We came in the door, and I asked her if she wanted help with her homework. She shook me off, so I told her if she changed her mind to come to me. And she did! She came to me and made peace. I was so thrilled. It is amazing how one sentence can change your whole week. I feel like we are getting somewhere...

The things that I feel are important in these days of testing are not to get sucked into the emotions. I need to stay calm ALL. THE. TIME. Actually I find myself telling my kids to chill out often. Everything is a huge deal to them. I need to be the one leading the way in being calm. I also need to remember that making them happy is not always good for them. Sure I can cave, and get a smile, but it isn't worth it. I need to stick to my guns. Bed time is bed time. Homework has to happen before facebook. Chores are not optional. Drama will not get you what you want. They may think I am the mean mom until they are 25, but that is okay with me. Those are usually the moms that have children that love them and want to be around them as adults. Someday they will come back and thank me for being so tough...

After reading this I had to go back to the top of the post and reread everything again. The blog's author doesn't know myself or my child; however, she somehow was describing our daily life to a T.
I prepare for the oncoming storm everyday.
I remind myself to not become crabby regardless of what A says or does.
I need to stay calm too. ALL. THE. TIME.
I try to not let his words bother me - I hate you, Just leave, I never want to see you again, You're always mean, You're stupid, All moms are stupid, I wish you would die...
All of this is challenging, though. Everyday I start off with a prayer for Anthony, our family and for continual patience. It's so easy to get frustrated and mad. It's much harder to soak all of that in, not be impacted and continue to be loving, supportive and constantly the mom he needs me to be.
Most days I go to bed feeling like a failure and wanting to retreat further into a protective shell. The outside world doesn't see or hear most of this. They see Mark and I with a smiley, goofy, fun loving four year old who is active and healthy. All of that changes when we're alone.
Thankfully I have a support system that doesn't quit. My sister calls EVERYDAY. We chat, we laugh, we cry, we share everything. She is without a doubt my best friend and confidant. I also have been blessed with my Becker-amily. On Friday the girls surprised me in my classroom after school for a little "inter-friend-tion". Of course I said everything was "fine" and they didn't buy it at all. Yesterday while making granola in my unshowered, pulled back hair state, six friends walked through the door to kidnap me for the evening. Before I left, Mark, who was in on all of this, told me to go, have fun and reminded me that I have amazing friends.
So true. (I have an amazing husband too!)
I believe all of this is happening for a reason and that God put some amazing people in my life to support me (us!) as we raise our beautiful son.
It feels good to know that we're not alone.
It also feels good to know that someday I might get a "Mom, I'm sorry for being so mean to you." Hearing that would bring me to tears too.

He Likes It! He Likes It!

"MOM! Everyday is special!"
Good point, Anthony. Very true!

Anthony made a very good plead as to why we should take a back-to-school picture everyday this week. He is absolutely right. Everyday IS special. So before heading to the space ship and taking off to the next galaxy - aka Renae's house - he would pose and I would capture the moment. Inevitably we would both giggle because he is absolutely goofy and does the silliest things.
Honestly, everyday this week --- okay, the past three days --- have been wonderful for this momma. Not because all of a sudden we've seen angelic behavior and a dramatic change, but rather I've seen such excitement.
Today out of the blue he states, "Momma, I like school." He then goes on to list everything he likes about school:
The books
My teacher
Dinosaurs toys
The kitchen
New friends
The water fountain
The bus
Ken
Building blocks
Snack time
Wearing my backpack

What wonderful words! What an absolute success! As he continued to talk, I continued to listen with a huge smile and a heart full of thanks to so many. Things may not always go well, but I'm so thankful that his first impression was positive and special.

A's First Day

Today was the big day! As I started my tenth year of teaching, Anthony started his first year at preschool. For the very first time in my professional career I felt mentally ill prepared for my day because I was so preoccupied with thoughts of him. I now fully realize as a parent and teacher just how important that first day is for a student. It so crucial in setting the tone and making them want to go back.

I should back track a bit in this story.
Throughout the summer we've been talking about school. In the mornings we would walk by his classroom and look in; at night we would go to his school's park to play. He's been excited. He wanted to go.
Then school got closer and his worries set in.
I not want to go to school.
I not want to ride the bus.
I don't like school.
So Anthony and I met his teacher and spent time in his classroom. He LOVED it and wanted to stay and play.
Then he's motto changed to wanting to go to school, but not wanting to ride the bus.
Last Friday he and I took a trip to the bus garage where his bus driver, Ken, went over, above and beyond. He let Anthony get on the bus he would be riding everyday and then took it one step further by giving us a ride. When I told him he could just go around the block he kept on driving until we got to Renae's house. Then he opened the door and talked about how to get on and off the bus. By the time we left Ken and his "long" bus Anthony was beaming and so excited.
I like Ken.
I want to ride on Ken's bus.
I want to drive a bus like him when I get bigger.
All was going well until this weekend. I think the reality of actually leaving Renae's house during the day to ride the bus, go to school and then ride the bus back hit him. We had a tough weekend. One with lots of anger, acting out, breaking toys, hitting and yelling, slamming doors, etc. We tried to remind ourselves that the trigger of these actions was the transition to something new and scary, but that's hard to focus on when you are getting hit by a baseball bat or told your hated repeatedly.
This weekend was another reminder of the roller coaster ride Mark and I are on when it comes to parenting our little guy that very few people see or understand. Clearly we always need to be buckled up and ready for the highs and lows.

Thankfully Anthony slept throughout the entire night last night and woke up with a smile on his face. He was excited to wear his new Spiderman shirt and bring the thank you cookies to Ken and the other bus drivers at the garage. We got ready without a hitch and ahead of schedule.
As soon as we got into the van Anthony started talking about not wanting to go to school, not wanting to ride the bus, etc.
When we pulled into the bus garage's parking lot, Super Driver, Ken, was standing outside in the rain. I rolled down my window and he peeked in saying, "Hello there Anthony! Can't wait to see you on the bus today!" I thanked him, gave him the cookies and we made our way to Renae's house. The whole way there he talked non-stop about liking Ken, wanting to ride his bus and going to see his classroom again.
When I picked him up today it felt SO GOOD to hear that he had a GREAT DAY! (Those are usually few and far between...) He did well at Renae's, he got on the bus no problem, had fun at school and fell asleep on the bus ride back to Renae's because he was so pooped. Tonight he was telling us about snack time, the book they read, the toys they played with, the kids in class with the excitement about doing it all again tomorrow.
EXCITEMENT FOR SCHOOL!
I'm so thankful for an amazing daycare provider, bus driver and teacher because this wouldn't have happened without them. It really does take a village to raise a child...
I know this is only one day out of the whole school year, but I'll take it! These are the moments this roller coaster mom lives for and hopes for more of in the future.

Canning --- Seriously?!

I think aliens may have abducted my mind and body today.
Seriously.
Somehow I got the notion that I should make homemade salsa and can it.
Me.
Tonja.
The girl who watched her mom can everything from carrots to venison to apples growing up.
The key verb in that sentence is W-A-T-C-H-E-D.
I blame this notion all on my brother. He had to go and make this delicious, couldn't-stop-eating-even-if-I-tried-salsa last weekend.
I devoured it and, apparently, wanted more.
So this morning while clipping coupons and writing out the grocery list/supper plan for the week I decided to put pint jars on my list too.
Then I called mom.
This was the first call out of many. She's like my own personal You Tube tutorial on all steps making salsa and canning.
She's better than any recipe.
I spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen and enjoyed myself immensely.
There was great satisfaction of picking green peppers and ripe tomatoes from our garden and chopping everything up.
There was even greater satisfaction when I got everything completed, sans allrecipe.com's help, and called in The Taste Tester.
He grabbed a tortilla chip and then another and another and kept on scooping.
As the afternoon passed I found myself in the midst of a disastrous mess of a kitchen with two loaves of zucchini bread, six pints of salsa and a batch of chocolate chip cookies cooling on the racks wondering when I would be able to do it all again.
Perhaps all that watching from years ago is starting to transpire into something more?

Bubbles!

This boy loves his bath time especially when there's lots of bubbles in the tub.

Paul Bunyan Land

This morning Mark and Anthony traveled to Paul Bunyan Land in Brainerd so I could spend some much needed time on making lessons for the upcoming school year. The boys left with a backpack of treats, a just-in-case change of clothes and the camera. Mark knew I was sad that I had work to do as well as excited to get a chunk of time to map out the year.
Before they left he promised to take pictures.
When they came back Anthony was completely zonked out and the camera held over twenty photos showcasing their daddy and son adventure. After downloading all of them, I must admit that I'm very impressed that Mark - Mr. UNphotogenic, Do-you-have-to-take-a-picture-of-EVERYTHING, Tonja? - took the time to take these shots.

Meeting Babe

Mark said he was afraid of big Paul Bunyan.

Riding Babe

A went on many rides and this was by far his favorite.
(Even though his face gives you no indication of joy.)
Apparently he went on it three times in a row being there wasn't a line of kids.

The statues were scary, but he was willing to get his picture taken by this cowboy.

I love the shoulders up pose!

Lizzy was there along with Doc Hudson and other cool old cars.

I love the fact that I got the entire year mapped out with each unit, the boys got to spend some quality time together and, in the end, I got proof of their adventure. What a hubby! I'm looking forward to the rest of our weekend together --- going to the pool/water slide, movie with popcorn night and A's first "back to school" pick-the-restaurant-of-your-choice to celebrate.

Naked Jammin'

One night last week after bath time this is where I found Anthony. He was listening to his cow tunes with his new Spiderman headphones, singing loudly into his new microphone (I wish it wasn't hidden in the picture) all the while completely naked. The scene was completely innocent and totally cute. However, I think the look in the photo screams, "MOM! Get out of my room while I'm jammin' out!"

Anthony's 4th Birthday

Last Saturday we celebrated A's fourth birthday in superhero fashion. Thank you to everyone who came to celebrate and let him know just how much you care about him. (I wish I would have gotten pictures of everyone...)

The People A Loves...

My two favorite boys

Super Santa!
Anthony couldn't decide between a Santa or a superhero party.
Luckily, Uncle Airwick combined the two for him!

Super Grandma Kathy

Super friends - Ry and Cam

Nicholas...

and big brother CJ

Spidey Asher with Grandma Carol

Once again Uncle Damon picks out a cool toy for the birthday boy!

Our favorite superhero of all!
He enjoyed his yummy cake, fun presents,
a beautiful day for playing outside,
and fabulous friends & family.
The party was topped off with a fireworks show by Uncle Airwick.

Happy birthday, Bubsa Boo.
We love you!

Party Prep

Thankfully the fam came down early last Saturday to help out with last minute party preparations!

Auntie Manda aka Auntie Doo Doo Head working on her masterpiece.

Uncle Airwick made a few surprise dishes ---
cucumber salad, fresh salsa and rhubarb cheesecake. YUM!

Papa Willie was on Baby Ash duty.

It's never a get together without having some fun and laughing!

Grandma Kathy on veggie duty.

Ta da!
Another one of a kind, love filled creation for the birthday boy.
Thanks, auntie!

Party time!

Thank you, Etsy!

Thanks to Etsy.com I was able to find some great superhero decorations for Anthony's fourth birthday party. Southern Belle's Charm did a fabulous job creating something I could never even imagine or execute. I would highly recommend her creative genius for your upcoming party!