Reality Check

I've been thinking today that the blog might be a bit of a lie. Not a conscious, flat out lie, but a lie just the same. Honestly, I've done a real good job lately of posting the fun pictures and stories while shying away from the real issues that matter for our family.
The good stuff is always easier to post.
It's probably easier to read as well.
Talking about the real issues isn't always easy.
I definitely don't want to come across as being a negative Nelly or an unappreciative mother.
I'm neither of those.
I guess it's just time for a reality check.
Time to be honest with how things are going with our A.

The positives...
There really are so many to celebrate.
Anthony is almost completely sleeping through the night thanks to Melatonin (a lifesaver) and, hopefully, feeling more relaxed/comfortable/accepted/wanted/etc by his parents.
Along with Melatonin, our bedtime routine has really helped to have a peaceful nightly good night. There are no more hours of yelling, hitting and saying awful words to me.
Right now our therapy sessions are put on hold. I truly believe the months of therapy have really paid off. Mark and I have a better sense of how to parent Anthony and he has a better sense of using his words. Instead of yelling or hitting he can now verbalize what he wants or needs. Of course this doesn't happen exclusively, but the improvement has been immense.
We now can go days without hearing "I hate you".
I cannot even remember the last time I heard his "Mommies always leave anyway" comment. I know it's been months.
One of the absolute BEST improvements is that he no longer wipes off any kisses. He may be reluctant to get a smooch from mom, but he won't wipe it off. That was a constant for months/years.

Although the improvements have been huge and we're completely grateful we still have tough moments and days. I guess we're trying to figure out what behaviors are due to Reactive Attachment Disorder or Sensory Processing Disorder or oppositional defiant or just being a three year old boy.
He always has to win.
Definitely a three year old boy issue.
He's always right.
Again, he's a toddler.
Constant whining.
Give me a break, he's a kid.
There are other behaviors, though, that just cannot be attributed to typical toddler behavior. The fact that he can instantly flip and go into a mean mode is really scary. I still get hit a lot by him and it doesn't matter if he sees that I am upset or crying. He'll continue to do it. Tonight he kicked me in the face and then smiled. The fact that he didn't feel any remorse scares me and let's me know we still have things to work on. Anthony can also slip into a tantrum/screaming fit and is unable to snap out of it easily. During these times his actions and words can be very hurtful.
Everyday the goal is to remain patient and positive, layout a plan for the day and verbalize that with A and to be active. We've had a busy June and I plan on keeping him busy. "Hard work" aka running, swimming, swinging, going for walks, climbing, jumping, etc is most often the best medicine for him. Right now he's loving swimming lessons (a MAJOR improvement over last year), our community ed classes (dinosaur day was a huge hit today) and is looking forward to the sport sampler class coming up in July. He is an active boy and giving him lots of options to be active is always a good thing.

"Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending."

This favorite quote is a motto that I live by. Each and everyday is a blessing and one to be enjoyed. That's why you'll continue to read about all of our adventures on the blog even if there's more going on under the surface. Today was a rough day, but along with the bumps we had a lot of fun being together and celebrating another beautiful day of summer sunshine.

Happy feet!
Anthony was beyond excited to pick out new shoes at the outlet mall after our dino class and for dad to finally get home so he could show them off.

The lilies are blooming and the burst of orange is such a beautiful sight in our yard. I always try to enjoy them to the fullest being they only stay around for a short while.

A dream has become reality!
Becker has an ice cream truck this summer that cruises the streets with actual music playing. Anthony woke from his nap hearing the sweet sound and declared he would like a treat. Who wouldn't?!

We waited until daddy came home and then got an awesome Batman ice cream bar.

CSA Day!
These strawberries were amazing and will definitely be devoured by tomorrow. Yum!

Our morning walk, playing at the park, seeing him trust me in the pool, our first bike ride together... All of these moments were wonderful today. I'm confident that everything else will fall into place as we continue to work on helping our Bubsa Beetle Boy. Thank you to all who have continued to think of us and support us in big and small ways.
Just keep swimming...