Dedicated to Ivan

Ten years ago, right after college, I was hit hard with chronic ulcerative colitis. For a large portion of time I dealt with weight gain and weight loss as different doctors tried different medication to curb the constant flare ups. Along with the flare ups came the constant need to go to the bathroom as well as a difficulty with eating a variety of foods and severe stomach pain. There were many trips to the hospital and different procedures that were done. Ultimately after years of trying to medicate it was decided the best route would be to remove the diseased large intestine and create a J-Pouch with my small intestine.
Although the recovery was tough and there were lots of unexpected road blocks, I hoped for results right away, but that didn't happen.
I still struggled.
It was hard to eat certain foods.
I continued to have "issues" with going to the bathroom.
The pain, although subdued, was still there.
Now, six years after surgery, I am so thankful I decided to remove my colon and create this J-Pouch. My quality of life has improved immensely and the "things" I deal with on a day to day basis are pretty minor in comparison.
It could always be so much worse and God never gives you more than you can handle! These are my daily mantras and have been from the very beginning.
All of this reminiscing brings me to the present.
Today I finished my last round, out of four, of Venofer, which is an iron sucrose infusion that helps boost my iron deficiency anemia. (This would be one of the lingering side effects of the disease.) This is the third time in a number of years that I've had to do this and once again I found myself being thankful for so many reasons.
My view on life became better when I became sick. I always say that getting diagnosed with colitis was one of the best things to ever happen to me and I still believe that. Everyday truly is a gift and there are so many beautiful moments if you are willing to just see them. Now I don't let a day pass without being thankful --- for family, for friends, my job, our home, the orange flowers in our yard, laughing together while watching AFV, a walk, a conversation, a smile. No matter how big or small an act may be I'm filled with gratitude and love. Some love this about me while others think it's a bit over the top. I just keep reminding myself of Sister Tuttle's words my first year of college, "I gotta be me!"
How true that is.
Today as I sat getting my final (well for a year or so that is) three+ hour infusion I was filled with emotions. In the infusion center there are a good number of patients who are there for chemotherapy. So many scarf tied, frail individuals walked by my door on their way to their own treatment of the day as I sat there just getting my ironed bumped up a bit. I was reminded once again that I, we, do not hold the road map to life. Sure we can plan out this and that, create goals to strive for as well as work towards obtaining different material possessions along the way. However, all of that can be derailed in a moment.
All of this was the reminder that I needed.
Everyday I am thankful for the health I have and should continue to be thankful.
Everyday I am blessed by people and not possessions.
I need to always stay focused on what I have not what I don't have.
I also need to heed Sister Tuttle's words --- I gotta be me!
Sometimes I am too focused on what's going wrong or what I could do better and I lose track of what's really going well. I also need to stop comparing myself to others and truly just be okay with being me.

Tonight for bedtime we read three old books that haven't been read in months. One of Anthony's choices was the first book that Grandma Kathy bought for him, Thankful Together. I'm so glad he picked it out because I was reminded just how much I love the words of this book as well as the simple prayer at the end.

Thank you, dear God,
For your gifts through the day -
For clothing and food,
And giggles and play,
For sights, smells and sounds,
For hugs warm and tight,
And someone to love me
From morning through night...
Thank you, God, for our wonderful day.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
His love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34

I am thankful for the gifts from this day. I am blessed with a wonderful life. I am loved by so many amazing individuals. Even though I don't know what the future will hold I'm confident that God has my road map.
Life really is good.

Just a side note, Ivan was the name of my colostomy bag I had in between surgeries. Naming "it" helped bring humor into the interesting situation as well as many laughs. And laughter is always a good thing!