Another Dose of Reality

Today was a great day! I had the day off of work and I was able to spend the entire day with our Bubsa Beetle. The morning started off with snuggling in bed, watching some Monsters Inc and then we had some hot cereal together. That is when everything started to fall apart. He was mad at the cereal (and me) because it wouldn't stay on his spoon and some milk spilled on the table. He continued to get more and more frustrated to the point he got down and refused to eat anything. Getting dressed to go to the grocery store took around 45 minutes of screaming, hitting and a total refusal to let me help him until the very end. While shopping he was helpful, cheerful and we had great fun picking out all of the necessary items. After nap time we played with Legos and he asked for help when the smaller pieces would fall off of his airplane and car. When daddy got home he refused to kiss him and ignored his presence for a good chunk of time. Supper went relatively well, but he refused to eat anything that wasn't a crouton dipped in ketchup. After eating all went well with playing and he even let daddy put on his jammies without a fuss! Bed time is always the hardest, though, and tonight isn't an exception. As soon as I walked in his room to say prayers and talk about our plan for tomorrow he started shouting for me to get out and that he doesn't like me. I got him calmed down enough to rock, but he refused to cuddle, wiped off all of my kisses and told me that he wants me to go away. I just kept saying how much I love him because he can never hear that too much. While praying I asked him who he was thankful for tonight. His response was mommy and daddy because I love them. While putting him back into bed he told me that he wanted to choke and punch me, he "not like" my kisses and that he just wants me to go away. Again I follow that up with I love yous, more mommy kisses and tight hugs. As soon as I started to walk out he calls out for me and doesn't want me to go. Now for the last hour it has been a team effort for Mark and I. He will be quiet for awhile and then start screaming out. He is definitely tired and has stated that many times, but absolutely refuses to go to bed.
Even though all of this sounds a bit chaotic, today really was a great day. I was able to be Anthony's mom for a full day --- no work, no other outside obligations --- just the two of us for an entire day! The details that I just shared is an honest look into a typical day for The Hanson Hat Trick. Our life has become a roller coaster of emotions --- all the highs and the lows. There are always wonderful moments in everyday as well as moments that make me cry like today. There are moments that I see so much hope and then others times when I feel lost and wish I could be more of what he truly needs. Many moments of everyday are spent in prayer thanking God for our son and asking (okay, sometimes begging) for help.
Opening up in The Truth Unveiled took some time; however, the response has been great. Thank you to everyone who posted a message or sent an email. Your support truly is appreciated - especially on days when I feel a bit defeated.
Living with a child who is hurting isn't always easy, but everyday it is ALWAYS WORTH IT. Every smile, every giggle, every interaction makes it a blessed day and one to be thankful for. I love my family. I pray that someday Anthony will truly feel and believe in the security of our love and let his hurt go.