Zumbathon

Next Saturday there is another benefit for the Schmidt family who needs the community's support.  Anyone want to join me for some Zumba fun?

Looks like fun, right?!

Juxtaposed

Yesterday I was emotionally trapped between being extremely disappointed and completely happy.

The disappointment came right away when I realized that after seventh months of waiting all the testing was going to cover was Anthony’s cognitive ability.

Throughout the long testing process Anthony behaved himself so well.  For the first 90 minutes he was super focused and only got a few questions wrong.  (However, I didn’t expect him to be able to identify #56 and #73).  He was completely different than a year ago when we did preschool screening and then testing for the special education program.  He wasn’t on top of any tables.  He didn’t pick up materials and chuck them across the room.  He sat in his chair without getting out a bunch of times because his attention got focused on something else. 

Yesterday I visually saw how much he has changed behavior-wise over this past year and it was wonderful.

I was told that testing for a mental heath disorder cannot be done until Anthony is older.  I’ve heard that before.  When he was two I was told that “boys will be boys” and we don’t do anything until a child reaches the age of three.  Now that he’s four and a half I’m being told we really can’t do anything until he’s six or older.

Isn’t early intervention key to the success of an individual?

Yesterday I heard the famous words that Mark and I are doing an amazing job creating a stable, healthy and structured environment for A.  The doctor also praised us for the treatment/therapy we have sought out and our continued persistence in helping our son.

Ugh.

I want to find someone who will stop telling us how good we are doing and start telling us what we need to be doing.  I want someone to see our everyday life and come up with an effective solution.  I want someone to care just as much as we do about Anthony and work their hardest in helping him to heal.

The session ended with the knowledge that Anthony is a smart little guy.  He knew his numbers, letters (more than I even thought!), shapes, prepositions, etc.   The plan is to meet when all of the testing is tabulated and come up with a plan.  He could receive further testing, if they deem it necessary, for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) as well as Post-Trauma Stress Disorder (PTSD).

No real answers, though.

The best part of the whole day came right after the appointment.  I’m thankful I made the decision that A and I would take the entire day off and spend some mommy and son time together.  It was such a delight.

First we went to Dunham’s and bought an awesome must have summer item – a co-pilot bike trailer – so A and I can go on bike rides together.  Anthony was smiling, helping me push the cart and even found a gift that he insisted daddy would like.

Then we went to visit Geoffrey the Giraffe’s store.  Typically Toys R Us is overwhelming and he wants everything.  We were there for a good 45 minutes and he decided on another transformer.  He was skipping in the halls, holding my hand and getting so excited to show me all of the treasures he was finding.

Pressing my luck, I decided to take a trip to Old Navy.  I actually SHOPPED the sales racks and was able to TRY ON different items while Anthony sat patiently in the cart playing.  No screaming.  No yelling.  Amazing.

Finally we made our way to Sammy’s Pizza for the lunch buffet.  It was there that the sweetest scene happened that I hope will be forever engraved into my mind.  As I was getting his food at the buffet I could see directly to our table.  As I looked up and caught his eye he beamed.  He gave me a huge wave and then kept tapping his nose to signal I love you. 

It was the most wonderful site. 

Pure momma happiness.

He fell asleep on the ride home and when he woke up from his nap a few hours later the morning was forgotten.   He was mad.  He was angry.  He wanted nothing to do with his momma.  The Anthony who hurts, who we so desperately want to help, was back. 

All happiness was gone. 

The Hurt lingered the rest of the night and continued to lash out. 

I’m learning more and more that when it comes to matters of the heart and emotional well being the process of healing is much more difficult.  It would be easier to have a physical aliment, like my colon issues, and have surgery to remove the disease.  It’s hard to fight against something that is invisible and unknown by so many.

Last night was painful.

Last night I felt desperate.

Today is a new day with a new round of phone calls to be made.

Someone, somewhere will know how to help him, help us.

Prayers for Anthony

Tomorrow is a BIG day for Anthony.  We have been waiting since OCTOBER (seems like forever!) to get him "tested".  They will be further looking into fetal alcohol syndrome, autism spectrum as well as mental health issues.

I've been praying for this day that it will reveal more answers than questions or unknowns.

Please, please, please say a prayer for A.

He has so much going on in his mind and body that Mark and I are unable to understand.  His negative actions towards us continues to escalate as our need for answers & change continues to grow.

I'm so hoping this will be the missing piece we have been searching for.

Again, please pray for A.

Just keep swimming

Combating hatred with love is necessary, but exhausting.

I keep telling myself it will get better.

Someday we will see a significant change.

The hurt will be replaced with an abundance of love.

Hope always remains that one day we will all be whole.

This too shall pass.

Twenty-Ten!

I'm not delusional.  I won't be a mother who rants that her son is the smartest, fastest, wittiest, funniest, most artistic or articulate, etc. etc.
I, however, am a momma who cheers her son on and loves to see what he accomplishes on a day-to-day basis. 
Honestly, I don't know if he's miles ahead or behind where he should be.  I just celebrate where he's at and am thankful for each stepping stone along the way that I get to share with him.

  

I absolutely enjoy watching him write his name.  (Especially when he's totally in the zone with his tongue sticking out!)  It's been fun as a parent, and educator, to see him start making shapes and recognizing that each letter stands for something.  We started off with a template of his name to refer to and copy.  Now he works almost exclusively by himself and knows what each letter should look like.  He's even starting to putting the letters closer together and getting his name someone straight across.

I'm so proud of A for learning and growing and trying through all of his challenges!

My favorite right now is his counting.  He likes to remind me that he's getting older and that he'll be five at his next birthday.  Of course I cringe at the thought. (Seriously?!  A five year old!  Where's my chubby cheeks beautiful baby boy?)  My cringing makes him giggle, which causes him to count furiously laughing all the while.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 20-10!"

He loves getting all the way to 20-10 and seeing my reaction.

Cute, cute, cute.

Can't wait to see all that he will accomplish in the days, weeks and years to come.  Way to go, Bubsa Beetle!

Our Angels

#52

While driving home from Grand Rapids on Mother's Day we came across a very recent two car collision.  Other motorists had already stopped to check on the individuals in both cars as well as direct traffic.  It was clear we were only minutes behind this accident.
In the news the next day, we found out that the man who crossed the center line had alcohol in his system and died.  The driver of the other car was listed in critical condition while his passenger and wife didn't sustain any injuries. 
I never do well when coming across accident scenes.  I immediately think of those involved and then their families and then start crying and then start praying and then think about it for hours and even days after the fact...
This accident was no exception.  I did all of the above and then came to the realization that it could have been us.  If only we hadn't stopped in to visit Manda at work or take a little more time getting packed up and ready to go.  What if we hadn't stopped for gas?  
I am so thankful that we weren't involved.  I honestly could not imagine being in that situation.
I am also so thankful we weren't the first on the scene.  I do not know how I would be able to handle that situation either and be the helpful individual I would need to be.
Hopefully our guardian angels will continue to watch over us as we travel through life.

Fish Park

Getting the Radio Flyer out and heading to the park is even more fun when you can go with Mr. Chubby Chubberton!  Sixteen more days until summer vacation is here and we can take daily trips to the park.