Shame on me

Over two weeks ago I came across this picture and started to think about the man who died before my fifth birthday.  

Papa Johnson.

I realized the day he died was only a few days away and I began thinking about the man who I faintly remember.  All I have are bits and pieces of him tucked away in my memory.

Opening my eyes while praying and watching him.

Sitting behind the house on tree stumps sharpening knives.

Swimming in Deer Lake with Erik while Papa and Grandma watched on.

Buying oxygen tanks with dad.

Leaving his funeral and asking dad why he didn't cry.

Almost three decades have passed since his death and I still yearn to know the man my grandpa was in life.  I yearn for a relationship that was cut short and wish we could have had more time.

Then life slapped me in the face.

And I realized something.  Something important.

My paternal cousin, Krista, passed away unexpectedly 29 years and one day after our Papa passed.  Her death was a complete surprise and such a sad ending to a short, meaningful life.

Upon hearing the news, I immediately started to think about my younger cousin.  She had the best laugh and a gorgeous smile. After that I drew a blank.  It had been years since the two of us and our families had spent time together.  I sadly realized that I no longer knew the 30 year old woman she had grown into.

I started wishing that I could have had more time to get to know her, reconnect, build a relationship like cousins should have.

It was then that it hit me.  I was once again wishing for a chance to get to know someone; however, it didn't matter that I had the extra time to do so.  Instead of taking advantage of it, I wasted it away and now I will never know either of them.

This thought of procrastination and being too busy with day-to-day life to truly care about a family member hit me hard.  

I should have taken the time.

I should have cared more.

I should have risen above our families differences.

Why did I let so many years pass?

Why didn't I make an effort?

Shame on me.

It was during Krista's funeral that I truly got to know my cousin and I completely fell in love.  We would have gotten along really well.  Her character shined everyday and she continued to make a difference regardless of her "deal" in the game of life.  The message that was shared that beautiful warm day has stuck with me.  My hope is that her love and zest for life can shine brightly in me and I can stop putting off the things that really matter in life --- loving the individuals in it and making a difference each and everyday.

Don't procrastinate

Continue to give to others and persevere even through life's challenges

We don't get to judge what's fair or unfair

Be sure to always say I love you, always give a hug, a kiss and share the love you feel for others

Live life with a joy in your heart

Make a difference

A handicap is only as debilitating as you let it be

Goodbye, Krista.  I'm so glad that Papa and Grandma J are both in heaven to meet you and give you a warm, welcoming hug.  I promise your JOY will live on.

Chapter 157

Teaching is rewarding, inspiring, frustrating, difficult at times and always packed full of rich material.  Every year I think I should write a book about the true-life experiences that happen in a day-to-day classroom.  
Earlier this year I had a classic fart story with a special twist that would have made a great chapter in this tell all book.  Eight years ago during a book talk I had a student state that her book was so good she almost pooped her pants!  Today could have been chapter 157 if I had been on the ball and writing everything down these past ten years.

A student walks into class during my prep.

Ms. H – “Bob”, you’re here?!

Bob – Yeah.  I had to go to the doctor this morning.

Ms. H – Oh really.  Why is that?

Bob – Last night while I was sleeping I kept punching myself in the face and this morning my parents had to bring me to see the doctor.

Ms. H – What?!  You fight with yourself while you sleep?!  Seriously?! …do not laugh out loud…do not laugh out loud….  Oh.

Bob – Yeah, the doctor even said he punches himself when he sleeps too.

Ms. H – Who in the world is your doctor?  Yikes! …do not laugh out loud…do not laugh out loud…. Oh.  Interesting.

Seventh graders! 
They say the darndest things.
Thanks, Bob.
I’ll try not to fight with myself tonight.
Please try to do the same.

Live your life from your heart

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what
we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into
acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can
turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger
into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings
peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
~ Melody Beattie 

 #37-51

Vicariously living through pregnant friends

Feeling "LeRoy" kick and move induces tears and an awe of how amazing life truly is

When students are genuine and thankful (even at this time of year)

Reading a good book that sucks you in

Everyday is a gift - live it

Having a dad that's "in the neighborhood"

Sister Tuttle's advice, "I gotta be me".  Oh so true

Anthony's smile and giggle

Taking time to see the trees come back to their full, green splendor slowly each day

Zucchini bread

Late nights and long talks with a favorite aunt

Strong, meaningful embraces

The first 80 degree day

Finding reasons to smile even through the tears

Krista Joy Ott

Live your life from your heart.  

Share from your heart.  

And your story will  touch and heal people's souls. 

~ Melody Beattie 

Our Final Goodbye

This weekend we traveled up north to Chisholm to say our final goodbyes to Grandma Jean.   The interment service was brief, but filled with meaning.  Clearly Grandma was the nucleus of this amazing family I have been so fortunate to become a part of over a decade ago.  Now that she's gone it would be easy for all of us to go our own ways.  Aunt Debbie beautifully spoke about the importance of family and the need to continue to get together, to celebrate and honor Grandma's legacy.  Her message was simple, but so true.  It was a great reminder for me to embrace those I love and celebrate the bond we share.  Once again, as always, I feel so thankful and blessed to be a part of this wonderful family.

Miss Olivia

Having a sucker is always more fun when you are enjoying 

it beside your spunky little cousin! 

A beautiful life extinguished

Krista Joy Ott, age 30, of Moorhead, Minn., formerly of Grand Rapids, Minn. died unexpectedly of natural causes on May 4, 2011 in Moorhead.

Krista was born in Grand Rapids to Marv and Mary Ott and graduated from Grand Rapids High School in 1999. Along with her academics, she participated in choir, debate and soccer. After graduation, Krista attended Moorhead State University. During her college education, Krista acquired some physical limitations. In spite of this, her faith in God remained strong and when she had recovered sufficiently, she reentered college and received her degree in 2005. Since graduation, Krista has been employed by Community Living Services in Fargo, North Dakota. She enjoyed the challenge of helping people with disabilities. Krista loved life and was optimistic about her future as she continued in therapy to overcome her own physical limitations. Her middle name fit her perfectly as she brought "Joy" to all those she came in contact with. Her family and friends will miss her.

Surviving family includes her parents, Marv and Mary Ott, Grand Rapids; grandmother, Anna Ott, Spencer, Iowa; one sister, Rebekkah (Dan) Guider, St. Paul; one brother, Kevin Ott, Grand Rapids; a nephew, Lee Guider; and nieces, Iris & Lilah Guider.

Service: Visitation: 5 to 7 p.m. Tuesday May 10 in Libbey Funeral Home and Wednesday, May 11 from 10 until the 11 a.m. Funeral Service in the Assembly of God Church, Grand Rapids. Burial is in Itasca-Calvary Cemetery, Grand Rapids.

Maybe daddy should go fishing more often?!

For the first time since Anthony came home, Mark made the annual guy trip up to Ballard's Resort in Baudette to fish sturgeon on the Rainy River.  Since we were going to have a daddy-free weekend, Anthony and I invited Rachel and the kiddos down for a much needed get together.  Unfortunately, the weather was crappy (um, it's S-P-R-I-N-G, Mother Nature!) so a day at the zoo was out, but we still managed to keep the kids busy and have lots of fun.
On Saturday morning they ate multiple breakfasts all the while playing Agent 1, Agent 2 and Agent 3 as well as "Samuel is a baby who needs two bossy older kids telling him what to do".  We then spent two hours at Burger King so the kids could play in the playland, two hours swimming at the Community Center and then brought them to Rio 3D.  When we finally got home we had supper together and they had some more time to play before bedtime.  By 8:00 all three were sleeping and Rach & I were able to chat and watch a great, bawl-fest, chick flick.
The only thing that could have made the weekend better is if Mol and the beautiful little ladies could have come too.