Adoption is Forever

This blog post has been swirling around in my mind for many months. It all started after reading a post on Single Dad Laughing regarding adoption and random people asking their random questions --- How much did YOUR kid cost?

He was confronted with that exact, insensitive question.

Unfortunately, that wasn't a single occurrence.

It happened several times with several random people he would come across in life to his great frustration.

I've never had that question asked in an inappropriate manner.

I have answered it to friends who have contemplated adoption themselves or others who were just curious about everything surrounding adoption.

None of those questions were offending or unwanted.

I am an open book and enjoy sharing all the ins and outs of a pre and post adoption.

However, there is a question that has been asked by random individuals that is absolutely unwanted and extremely insensitive.

Some thoughts should not be stated.

It's just too hurtful.

Yes, we adopted Anthony.

And it is true that he has several behavior concerns that we are working on with therapy and medication.

Most days are chaotic, stressful and just plan difficult in our household.

Even though all of this is happening I never want to hear the following statements/questions again:

Do you ever think it would be best to bring Anthony back?

Maybe it's time to think about sending Anthony back?

After everything that has happened since the adoption I'm sure you have contemplated giving Anthony back.

What?!

Um, no, no, and no.

NO!

Anthony is a PERSON.

What are you suggest we do?

Ask for a refund?

Exchange for a different item that will fit better for us? And what exactly would be a better fit? A child that has no issues? A child that doesn't need us and a stable family as much as A? Would it be a child that looks exactly like us and gives us no problems whatsoever at all?

Please for one second think about what you are asking and then stop. Think about the consequence of "just giving a child back" because things have gotten difficult. What would happen to Anthony? Do you think he would thrive in a "given back" foster home environment? Would he ever get past his anger and hurt or would it continue to build and cause him more problems? Are you thinking of his welfare or ours at all? How would Mark and I deal with losing our child?

The fact is we would all be absolutely devastated.

Forever damaged.

Crushed.

A lost and sad family.

I will continue to share the triumphs and struggles when it comes to parenting Anthony. It's a need that I have to be real and honest with myself and those around me. It helps to get things out and not feel so isolated -- therapeutic in so many ways.

But there is something that all naysayers should know right now.

Anthony is our son.

We love him.

We are a family.

Adoption is not a disposable option.

We are not "giving him back".

Ever.

Instead of questioning our decision and all that happens in our family please give us

support,

love

and constant friendship.

That is what we need more than anything.