Even though I am an optimistic and hopeful individual I realized this week that I have been been plagued by thoughts that are bringing more negativity into my life than I would like. I constantly worry about Anthony's future. I want him to be healthy, happy, well adjusted, kind, compassionate, loving, lovable, passionate and so much more. I constantly worry, though, about what will actually happen if therapy doesn't work or if we cannot give him what he really needs to be whole.
Today, during a thought provoking and emotional conversation, I realized that I am forgetting a key ingredient to anything in life --- TRUST.
Today we celebrated Anthony's homecoming; his "Gotcha Day". I have always trusted and believed that we would be matched with a child who was meant to be a part of our family and we were. Anthony is our son. From the moment we met him a love and bond was created that continues to grow two years later.
Somehow along the way, though, my trust has faltered and seeds of doubt and worry have began to take root in my mind. Today I am starting the process of removing such unnecessary and unproductive doubts. I realize I need to work on trusting the plan that God has in place for Anthony and for our family. I need to have FAITH that Anthony's placement two years ago was because we could give him what he would need --- God knew that.
Therefore I will take one day at a time and do the best I can for that day. I'll continue with weekly therapy for as long as he needs it; I'll give him unconditional love and kindness everyday in spite of what kind of day he's having; I'll choose to have a positive attitude and whole-heartedly believe in myself as a parent; I won't allow myself to wallow in negativity; most importantly, though, I will trust in something that I cannot see and that's out of my control.
I am striving to have peace that God is in control on this Gotcha Day and everyday.
7 comments:
It is the only kind of peace that is truly going to help you through these hard times! I LOVE YOU! :)
You are so amazing. I hope you truly can understand that you are doing such a phenomenal job parenting a beautiful little boy every day. I'm so, so proud of you.
Hi,
I came across your blog and after reading some of it, felt compelled to write.
Our little guy is 2 and a half and also has attachment issues. He is our biological child and we think his attachment issues arose from either a stressful pregnancy or ongoing reflux and other medical issues.
We have found tremendous help in online forums, specifically one on Yahoo - NEUROnetwork. This group is wonderful...it's primary focus is on neurological reorganization as a way to help fix the root of the attachment issues. We have started it and are already seeing results. It's too much to explain here, but the parents and providers on the forum do a great job explaining why it helps to fix attachment issues.
We live in the Twin Cities and drive to IA periodically to see Emily (http://neuroreorg.com). She has been great in helping us :)
Other parents see great results in diet changes (we have always had our little guy on a very natural, organic diet and it is definitely essential for him) and also supplementing with amino acids and other supplements, in addition to neurological reorg and attachment therapy.
Feel free to email me (snifferdoodle at gmail.com) if you have any questions at all :) I would love to help!
Anonymous,
FINALLY! Knowing there is another parent out there who understands attachment issues because you LIVE it everyday is WONDERFUL news. Thank you for being compelled to write and giving me the hope of connecting with another parent who understands the isolation of being rejected multiple times a day.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Oh, there is always HOPE. I just need to remember to be faithful and TRUST.
:)
LJFEIER couldn't have said it better. I love you! :)
Reading your blog makes me tear up almost every time. You write with such honesty and love. You are inspiring to me.
Ok Tonja, you are such an amazing person. I need to be more like you. I wish we could visit each other more often. Maybe as the kids get older we can plan more things together. I love looking at your blog and seeing what you have to say. You are an inspiration to all around you. Keep up the good work!!
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