Gotcha!

Sharky greeted us at
Underwater Adventures Aquarium

To celebrate Anthony's Gotcha Day we traveled to Mall of America for a big shark adventure. To say he was excited to see some sharks was putting it mildly. He couldn't eat his breakfast because he needed to "swim" with his two sharks in the bathtub; when he got dressed he picked out a shark shirt to wear; and all the way down to MOA he watched Shark Tale and talked about seeing sharks. It really turned out to a perfect way to celebrate this wonderful anniversary for our family.

The aquarium was a huge hit! Anthony loved the collection of fish, but really enjoyed seeing all of the sharks. (Of course!) Another favorite of his were the stingrays that kept swimming right over us. We could see their mouths, gills and watch how they swim without using any fins.

This turtle was another favorite of Anthony's. He stayed right by the glass checking everything out while A tried to "touch" him.

NEMO! MARLIN! DORI! This tank was relatively small, compared to the others, but Anthony enjoyed pointing out the fish from a beloved movie.

Afterwards he spent some time playing on a ship in the kid zone. It's a good thing we decided to get an annual family pass. (While we were waiting in line to pay we realized that it was only 30 dollars more to purchase a pass that we could use throughout the next year.) I have a feeling we'll be making several trips to check out the sharks. I'm already looking forward to spring break and going back for a visit. Hopefully the new jellyfish exhibit will be up and running!

After visiting the aquarium we went out into Nickelodeon Universe to enjoy some rides. Driving the big rigs was definitely a highlight.

The three of us went on Dora and Boots' Ferris wheel that went up super high over the mall. While we were way up there he mapped out what he wanted to go on next --- Sponge Bob's pineapple house to jump, a ride on a horse on the carousel and Back at the Barnyard Hayride, which was a ROLLER COASTER. (I wished I could have taped his giggle while on the roller coaster. He loved the speed and had his hands in the air for most of the ride. Looks like this kid is going to love a trip to Valleyfair when he gets older.)

Giddy up horsey! Clearly Anthony is beyond excited to get his horse to gallop around.

This weekend was wonderful and it was great to celebrate the anniversary of Anthony's arrival into our lives. Happy Gotcha Day, Bubsa Bo!

Trust

Even though I am an optimistic and hopeful individual I realized this week that I have been been plagued by thoughts that are bringing more negativity into my life than I would like. I constantly worry about Anthony's future. I want him to be healthy, happy, well adjusted, kind, compassionate, loving, lovable, passionate and so much more. I constantly worry, though, about what will actually happen if therapy doesn't work or if we cannot give him what he really needs to be whole.
Today, during a thought provoking and emotional conversation, I realized that I am forgetting a key ingredient to anything in life --- TRUST.
Today we celebrated Anthony's homecoming; his "Gotcha Day". I have always trusted and believed that we would be matched with a child who was meant to be a part of our family and we were. Anthony is our son. From the moment we met him a love and bond was created that continues to grow two years later.
Somehow along the way, though, my trust has faltered and seeds of doubt and worry have began to take root in my mind. Today I am starting the process of removing such unnecessary and unproductive doubts. I realize I need to work on trusting the plan that God has in place for Anthony and for our family. I need to have FAITH that Anthony's placement two years ago was because we could give him what he would need --- God knew that.
Therefore I will take one day at a time and do the best I can for that day. I'll continue with weekly therapy for as long as he needs it; I'll give him unconditional love and kindness everyday in spite of what kind of day he's having; I'll choose to have a positive attitude and whole-heartedly believe in myself as a parent; I won't allow myself to wallow in negativity; most importantly, though, I will trust in something that I cannot see and that's out of my control.
I am striving to have peace that God is in control on this Gotcha Day and everyday.

Potluck Fridays

The Girls enjoying the moment

I've been talking all school year about instituting a monthly Friday potluck get together. It wouldn't have to be anything fancy, everyone would share the duty of bringing something to eat and it would give us all a chance to forget about the chaos of life and just spend time together. PLUS our families could all be together and the kiddos could get a chance to play and bond.
I must be crazy, though. For whatever reason, I planned today as our first potluck. This week has been nutso busy; almost every night we had something going on. (On Tuesday I started night class from 4:00-9:00; Wednesday night was therapy; and Thursday night was therapy for Mark and Anthony and parent teacher conferences for me.) Although we were busy and feeling a bit exhausted, I am so glad we decided to have our friends over. It's always nice for me to see the kids play together and also have the chance to be involved in a variety of conversations throughout the night. I love that our get togethers have evolved into such comfortable events with people who were strangers just years ago, but now are treasured friends. We really appreciate our Becker-amily and feel so thankful to have such a great support network. Hopefully the Friday potluck idea will take off so we can plan on more time together to cultivate these great relationships.

I love this scene! The kids are eating, adults are snacking/eating and having a few drinks and EVERYONE is involved in conversation.

Baby Adele --- aka Miss Happy Cutie Pie Pants

Clara (Popcorn Girl), Anthony, Rylan and Camden's goofy pose

Asher's Road Trip

Last weekend Team Tuttle surprised us with a visit and it was WONDERFUL! Asher did great with his first road trip to Becker and we were all so excited to have him come down. The best part is that we did nothing but eat, talk, play with the boys and watch a little television. Our whole time spent together was very low-key and completely treasured. Soon Manda and Damon will go back to work from being laid off over the winter months, which means it won't be as easy for them to drop everything for a visit. Plus Ash Man in growing like a weed and it's great to have the time to snuggle and give him lots of love in these all important first weeks of life. Thanks, Tuttles, for giving us the best surprise. We loved being able to visit and just be together.

Who needs to leave the cabin when you have friends like these three ladies?

The now annual winter Feierabend cabin getaway was just what the doctor ordered for Mark and I. To say we've been stressed, worried, tired, flustered, frustrated, beyond busy.... is putting it lightly. To have a weekend away as a couple with six other amazing friends/our Becker-amily was truly rejuvenating. I absolutely love this picture Jenn took (minus the fact that she isn't in it) because of every one's smile --- especially Mark and I. We truly had a wonderful time. All of those laughs, great meals, genuine conversations, drinks, games played, lounging around/sleeping in and even enduring the most atrocious gas from the guys was just what we needed. It was, by far, the best weekend we have had in a long time.
Thank you, Luke and Jenn, for hosting and sharing your gem of a getaway with us. My hubby will now forever be known as Devon when he drinks and I'm still singing "All the Single Ladies" while trying to practice moves as awesome as Gret's! You gave us a priceless gift and we are so grateful.

For the best recap of the weekend check out What L & J Have to Say. Luke's post, Fun Eruptus, made me laugh out loud and get teary eyed towards the end. The writing completely encapsulates the wonderful memories that were made. It truly was an amazing weekend.

Our Bubsa Beetle

This is the very reason I need to drop everything when I hear Anthony asking me to "come see, momma". This is definitely the face of a little boy who is loving his bath and having a fun time.
These are the moments we treasure with the boy we love so much.

Last week my sister sent me a card that I have looked at everyday since then:

Peace does not
come from
knowing how you'll find
the answer, or where to look for it,
or when it will come,
or what it will be.
Peace comes from
simply knowing you will find
the answer.

It has now been over three months of weekly therapy and rethinking how we parent Anthony. There haven't been any major changes; however, we keep plugging along with the hope that everything we do will matter for our beautiful son. I keep believing that all of our efforts and love will pay off. One day he will be able to let his hurt go, accept the love and affection of others and be able to love deeply himself. Until then Mark and I will continue to do everything we can to help him to be healthy and build a new belief system based on love, family, and attachment. It's a process to see beyond the meltdowns, the nightly fighting of sleep and constant need to regulate himself with hitting, but we're trying our best. More than anything we're trying to keep the faith and truly have peace that God is in control of everything.

Oh, so cute

This auntie loves it when her little nephew surprises her with cute new pictures of the week. He's already grown and changed; check out that smile! Every day I look at them multiple times and wish I could give lots of kisses and cuddles two and a half hours away. Love you, beautiful smiley boy!

In one moment everything can change...

A family in Becker recently had a tragic accident forever change their family and since then I have been checking their CaringBridge site to get daily updates. I had their oldest daughter Madie in class and my heart goes out to her and all that she's going through as well as her two sisters. When I read her mom's postings it takes me back to everything my family went through when my dad went through his terrible accident years ago. Even though I missed my parents and was terrified about what was going to happen to my dad, I was constantly shown the power of love. My mom never left my dad's side. She was there everyday taking care of him full of hope, faith and love that everything would turn out in the end. I cannot imagine all that my mom went through now that I am a wife and a mother; my heart goes out to Jennifer as I read her entries and know that she is in pain watching her husband go through all of this. Her writings are full of faith, Bible verses and a positive attitude in the midst of all that is going wrong. Yesterday he spoke her name for the first time in almost two weeks and I was elated. Their story brings me back to the reality of life; anything can happen at any moment. Life as I know it right now could look drastically different in a blink of an eye. Everyday I pray for the Edlings and all they are going through right now. I also make sure I give thanks for all of the wonderful blessings in my life.

Johnson Family Christmas

Asher John decided to surprise us all by coming early, which meant we pushed back our Christmas celebration until he was a bit older and doing well. Two weekends ago we got together to celebrate not only our family Christmas, but Manda's 28th birthday too. Of course the main attraction was AJ #2 and all of his cuteness. He was lots of fun to snuggle with and it was great to see him once again.
Asher was wide awake and checking us out. How fun! I'm still beyond surprised that Asher and I weren't covered with the punch Anthony insisted on drinking and holding himself!
Hi, Uncle Mark. I love you!
AJ #1 was sure to check out AJ #2 and make sure everything was working properly.
Grandma Kathy enjoying some seriously good punch and posing for the camera.
Dad operating on our delicious turkey dinner.
Anthony LOVES his Uncle Erik. He especially LOVES Uncle Erik's great phone that plays music. Luckily for him, his uncle is always up for him touching everything, taking pictures and jamming out to cool tunes.
Even though dinner was just about to be served, Anthony drove his birthday auntie, baby cousin and Spiderman to McDonalds to get some lunch.

A sure sign that I am getting older is the fact that our time together wasn't based on the Christmas presents. It didn't matter that we weren't together on the actual day; what mattered most was that we were able to spend time together. Plain, old fashion family time. I loved it!