"When you get older you get BOLDER!"

Five years ago my Grandma J passed away. She was the second grandparent that I was able to be there when she died, which was a beautiful moment for me. I remember Manda and I feeding Grandma her last taste of ice cream and watching her lick her lips and exclaim how delicious it was; I remember one of the last things she said to me was, "You are my sunshine" and asked me to sing her that song. Every final moment with her was extremely sad, but heartwarming too. Besides being able to say goodbye and giving all my love to her at the end of her life, the best moment was just after she passed away and the nurses had cleaned her up. Manda and I sat beside her singing songs and talking about our lives with her.
Last week right before bed I saw an old book that I hadn't looked at in quite some time even though it remains on my nightstand. It was the only thing I wanted after Grandma passed away --- her Helen Steiner Rice book of poems, "Someone Cares". Towards the end of her life she couldn't see well and could no longer read, which really bothered this word lover. When I would visit I would always spend time reading a letter someone had sent or some poems from this book, which she loved. When I opened the book, moments with Grandma came flooding back along with the passion she felt about living life, making a joyful noise and seeing the good in everything and everyone. Even though I was giving her the gift of my eyes and ability to read all of those times together, she gave me much more. Her zest for life and pep in her step will always be with me.

I always read this poem multiple times to her.
Now it has become a favorite of mine too.

God, Are You There?
I'm way down HERE!
You're way up THERE!
Are You sure You can hear
My faint, faltering prayer?
For I'm so unsure
Of just how to pray -
To tell You the truth, God,
I don't know what to say...
I just know I am lonely
And vaguely disturbed,
Bewildered and restless,
Confused and perturbed...
And they tell me that prayer
Helps to quiet the mind
And to unburden the heart
For in stillness we find
A newborn assurance
That SOMEONE DOES CARE
And SOMEONE DOES ANSWER
Each small sincere prayer.

Her faith was so strong and went beyond church on Sunday. She exuded it in a beautiful, happy and loving way. There are many days that I need to be reminded of this and wish she was still here to cheer me on and exclaim, "Oh, Tonja! What a wonderful surprise!" (I could have used those words this week...)
Thank you, Grandma J, for giving me so much to be thankful for and loving me.